"THIS FILE PROCESSED BYE STRIPBL1.EXE"
                             IT WUS A ACCIDENT!
                                    ***
                              ACCIDENT REPORTS
                        Quotes from accident reports
                 submitted to various Insurance companies:
                                    ***
                                Coming home,
                        I drove into the wrong house
                   and collided with a tree I don't have.
                                    ***
                      The other car collided with mine
                 without giving warning of its intentions.
                                    ***
                       I thought my window was down,
                            but found it was up
                       when I put my hand through it.
                                    ***
                     I collided with a stationary truck
                           coming the other way.
                                    ***
                       The guy was all over the road;
                     I had to swerve a number of times
                             before I hit him.
                                    ***
                  I pulled away from the side of the road,
                        glanced at my mother-in-law,
                      and headed over the embankment.
                                    ***
                        In my attempt to kill a fly,
                       I drove into a telephone pole.
                                    ***
                      I had been driving for 40 years
                      when I fell asleep at the wheel
                           and had the accident.
                                    ***
                        To avoid hitting the bumper
                            of the car in front,
                          I struck the pedestrian.
                                    ***
                         My car was legally parked
                    as it backed into the other vehicle.
                                    ***
                   An invisible car came out of nowhere,
                      struck my vehicle and vanished.
                                    ***
                 I told the police that I was not injured,
                          but on removing my hat,
                   I found that I had a fractured skull.
                                    ***
                         I was sure the old fellow
                            would never make it
                       to the other side of the road
                             when I struck him.
                                    ***
                               The pedestrian
                    had no idea which direction to run,
                             so I ran over him.
                                    ***
                    The indirect cause of this accident
                      was a little guy in a small car
                             with a big mouth.
                                    ***
               I was thrown from my car as it left the road.
                        I was later found in a ditch
                            by some stray cows.
                                    ***
                    The telephone pole was approaching.
                 I was attempting to swerve out of its way,
                        when it struck my front end.
                                    ***
                        I was unable to stop in time
                 and my car crashed into the other vehicle.
              The driver and passengers then left immediately
                        for vacation with injuries.
               (AIDE MAGAZINE, February 1989--ALL THE ABOVE)
                                    ***
                                WRAP IT UP!
              I sat down next to a guy in the doctor's office.
                       He was covered with bandages.
                        "Have an accident?" I asked.
                   "No thanks, I just had one," he replied.
                "Actually, I'm in training to become a mummy."
                     "Would you believe that I ran out 
                             of clean clothes?"
                       "Of course I had an accident, 
                              You nimcompoop!"
                    (Two thousand comemdians out of work
                      and I have to sit by this guy).
                                    ***
                                   MAGIC
                 The magican wrote on his accident report,
                       I was driving down the street
                          And turned into a tree.
                                    ***
                                    END
