
                  Rey Barry's Freeware Hall of Fame
          List of Politically Incorrect, High Sodium Viruses
                  (To be taken with grains of salt)


             We begin with originals from the FreeHOF...

 Bill Clinton Virus
 Dormant aside from displaying message: UNDOING PREVIOUS DAMAGE.
 Upon re-boot may reveal additional capabilities.

 Ronald Reagan Virus
 Trashes the system by confusing the commands of other viruses with
 ROM instructions; incapacitates the RAM.

 Ross Perot Virus
 Announces over and over that it's running but has no effect.

 Bill Gates Virus
 Replaces your Operating System and applications with his Operating
 System and applications.

 TV Virus
 Inserts 6 screens of brand name advertising after every 4 screens of
 your text files.

 Congress Virus
 Appears to be dormant but is constantly adding extraneous functions to
 your Operating System which require more resources than you have.

 Newt Virus
 Variant of the Congress Virus that disables important functions of
 the Operating System without freeing up any resources.

 Olympics Virus
 Displays advertising on your screen while playing sound files of
 repetitious platitudes over the PC speaker.

 Newsgroup Virus
 Sorts your text files by date and prepends random lines from earlier
 messages to later ones, making them impossible to read.

 Chinese Virus
 Makes unauthorized copies of your CD-Roms.

 Republican Virus
 Diverts all the resources to 10% of the applications.

 Democrat Virus
 Creates endless applications for which there are insufficient
 resources.

 Libertarian Virus
 Forces the computer to run with no CMOS settings.

 New Age Virus
 Deletes configuration and history files.

 Reactionary Virus
 Deletes all files with dates after 01/01/80.

 Biblical Virus
 Deletes all files with dates after 00/00/00.

 Fundamentalist Virus
 Deletes all versions of applications later than the 1st release.

 Consultant Virus
 Changes CMOS settings at random, scrambles the file allocation tables,
 and posts message saying you need a new computer.

 Wal-Mart Virus
 Does everything other viruses do but requires less overhead.

 K-Mart Virus
 Early, less efficient version of Wal-Mart Virus.

 Government Bureaucracy Virus
 Over-writes Help files with, "This file was prepared at taxpayer
 expense for the purpose of displaying its contents.  For further
 instructions, please turn the computer on and display the
 instructions for turning computers on and displaying instructions."
 The remainder of every file is multi-syllabic nonsense words.

 Heroin Virus
 Makes keyboarding so euphoric you become addicted to it.  (Note: see
 Netmail Virus.)

 Netmail Virus
 (See Heroin Virus.)

 Cigarette Virus
 Shrinks the diskspace allowed for a file allocation table by random
 amounts; trashes table on some computers but not others.

 Sportscaster Virus
 Computes and reports nonsensical statistics about your files such as
 how many under 50k were created on odd-numbered days of the month.

 News Media Virus
 Examines text files across a LAN for mis-spelled words and posts a
 report to all work stations blaming the administrator for the errors.

 Supermarket Tabloid Virus
 Smaller version of News Media Virus that does not examine files and
 posts a report using a random number.

 Demo Virus
 Displays a message that all applications will cease working in 30 days
 unless you send $299 plus $2.99 S&H to a fictitious address.  All
 applications cease working 29.9 days later.

 Free Enterprise Anti-Virus Virus
 Protects the system against all viruses except those affecting the
 file allocation table, partition table, CMOS, RAM, or files.

 Retail Virus
 Searches shareware files for prices and when it finds one, doubles
 it.

 Reverse Discrimination Virus
 Deletes files written by white males.

 Different Drummer Virus
 Causes random damage 364 days a year but is dormant on Michelangelo's
 birthday.

 Jesus Virus
 Posts message that all files have been saved, then deletes them.

 Drive-by Virus
 Destroys other viruses and whatever files are located near them.

 German Virus
 Destroys files. When aborted by operator, posts message saying it was
 only following ROM instructions.

 Italian Virus
 Begins to destroy files but quickly self-destructs.

 Intellectual Virus
 Collection of configuration files and overlays coded to re-design the
 operating system with mutually cancelling instructions.  Harmless, as
 it lacks executable code.

 Voter Virus
 Normally dormant TSR that emerges every 2 years to self-destruct.
 (But see related Nixon Virus by same author.)

 Nixon Virus
 TSR tries to destroy the partition table and RAM until it over-writes
 itself.  Remains dormant until the Voter Virus restores it.  Then
 repeats the cycle.

 Drunk Driver Virus
 Erratically overwrites files including itself.

 Ahab Virus
 Hunts for programs designed to kill it and when it finds one, runs it.
 (Also known as the Anna Karenina Virus, Dr. Jekyll's Virus, many other
 names.)

 Snail Darter Virus
 Destroys every application when it is run, leaving nothing on the
 harddrive except files not needed for anything.

 Graft Virus
 Taps system resources for the sole purpose of replicating itself in
 the available space above other programs, hooking into them so it is
 run when they are.  (Also known as Labor Union Virus, NYC Virus,
 Mafia Virus, Trade Association Virus.)

 Luddite Virus
 Analyzes program code and destroys programs not written in assembly
 language.

 Windows Virus
 Slow loading TSR that adds a megabyte of poorly coded, ugly graphics
 to programs and retards their execution speed.

 Office of Education Virus
 Converts numerical datafiles from base 10 to base 3.1414. Does not
 disturb executables.

 Office of Education Virus, variant
 Converts number crunching programs to Reverse Polish notation.  Does
 not disturb documentation or help files.

 College Virus
 Re-allocates all resources to child applications.

 FBI Virus
 Scans across a LAN looking for an x-rated file and if it finds one,
 destroys all files on the LAN and over-writes track 0 on all
 harddrives.

 Ann Landers Virus
 Over-writes harddrives with inane platitudes and aphorisms.

 PMS Virus
 Displays message: DELETING UNNECESSARY DUPLICATE FILES, then deletes
 all the important files on the harddrive not needed by itself.

 Murphy's Law Virus
 Like the PMS Virus but accidentally coded to delete itself first
 instead of last.

 QM Virus
 Highly sophisticated programmer virus monitors code writing and
 inserts a new bug when an old bug is removed.

 ASP Virus
 Writes hundreds of 1-line files telling you to read other files which
 have 1 line telling you to read other 1-line files.

 Shareware Virus
 Over-writes files under 100k with message to register it to get your
 files back.  When you register, it over-writes all files with a
 message selling an upgrade to the Pro version.

     ...and the USENET list of high sodium viruses...

 Oprah Winfrey Virus
 Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly
 expands back to 200MB.

 AT&T Virus
 Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

 MCI Virus
 Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the
 AT&T virus.

 Paul Revere Virus
 This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of
 impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by C:\

 Politically Correct Virus
 Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an
 "electronic microorganism."

 Right to Life Virus
 Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you
 attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor
 about possible alternatives.

 Mario Cuomo Virus
 It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

 Ted Turner Virus
 Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

 Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
 Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

 Dan Quayle Virus #1
 Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining
 into a binary network.

 Government Economist Virus
 Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is
 fine.

 New World Order Virus
 Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just
 thinking about it.

 Jeff Marchi Virus
 Goes TSR and flashes the message YOUR CMOS SETTINGS ARE DEAD WRONG.

 Federal Bureaucrat Virus
 Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which
 does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most
 important part of your computer.

 Gallup Virus
 Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data
 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin or error).

 Texas Virus
 Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

 Adam and Eve Virus
 Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

 Congressional Virus #1
 The computer locks up, screens splits erratically with a message
 appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

 Congressional Virus #2
 Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow
 the user to accomplish anything.

 Airline Virus
 You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

 Freudian Virus
 Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

 PBS Virus
 Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

 Elvis Virus
 Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self-destructs -- only to
 resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

 Ollie North Virus
 Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

 Sears Virus
 Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a
 set of shocks.

 Jimmy Hoffa Virus
 Your programs can never be found again.

 Kevorkian Virus
 Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

 Imelda Marcos Virus
 Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot-up, then subtracts money
 from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it
 purchases through Prodigy.

 Star Trek Virus
 Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

 Health Care Virus
 Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill
 for $4,500.

 George Bush Virus
 It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs ... no new files!" on the
 screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive
 with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.

 New York Jets Virus
 Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.

 LAPD Virus
 It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases
 them in "self-defense."

 Chicago Cubs Virus
 Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but
 you still love it.

 Oral Roberts Virus
 Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, its programmer
 will take it back.

 O.J. Virus
 It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your
 files and vows to find the virus that did it.

   Among the ways to add your creations to this file:

   email to ren.barry@execnet.com
   Freeware Hall of Fame's free BBS: 804-293-4710
   FreeHOF home page to be interactive someday -
       http://redlt.com/tom/next/rey.html
