

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
THE EXHAUSTION THEOREM
  by Greg Borek
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Proctor: "You will have two hours to complete the midterm.
         Starting now. Good luck everybody."

John: "Eight questions . . . doesn't look too bad. OK, let's see,
      question 1: `Describe how the coefficients in the binomial
      theorem are related to combinations of the exponents. Express
      the theorem in concise summation notation.'  A little work, but
      definitely doable. That would be . . ."

<<<POOF>>>

Hal: Hi Bob!

John: "Whoa! Who are you?"

Hal: I'm an hallucination. You should definitely NOT have stayed up
     all night last night cramming for this midterm, Bob.

John: "An hallucination? How does an hallucination know it's an
      hallucination? On second thought, never mind! Just be quiet
      and leave me alone. I only have two hours."

Hal: Not so fast, Bob. Your exhausted mind created me so now you
     have to deal with it! Hah! This is sure is going to be fun,
     Bob!

John: "The binomial coefficients . . ."

Hal: Say Bob, isn't that a huge hairy spider climbing up your arm?

John: "Aaaaugh!"

Proctor: "Is there a problem up there?"

John: "No, sorry, sir. <aside> Don't do that."

Hal: Got you that time, Bob! That was way too easy! Whoopee! This
     is such fun!

John: "Where was I? The binomial coefficients are . . ."

Hal: Say, isn't that Patty LeBombshell in the front row? Ooh-la-la!
     What a honey!

John: "Huh? Oh, yeah, she is. I can't think about that right now."

Hal: I know someone who CAN, while you're too busy that is . . . .

<<<POOF>>>

Lust: Who woke me up? Oh, wow! Look at the hooters on that
      honey in the front row! I wonder what she would look like
      covered in strawberry preserves. Hmmm . . . .

John: "Who are you?"

Lust: I'm Lust, as if it wasn't obvious from my profile. I'm one of
      the Seven Deadly Sins you read about this semester in English.
      Let's see the others are . . .

<<<POOF>>>

Envy: Oh, I wish I had his profile.

John: "Please, I can't think about this now. Will you guys just go
      away? No? Okay, then just be quiet."

Envy: Ooh, I wish I had his command presence. Beautiful speaking
      voice. Not like my whiny little voice. It's so forceful.

<<<POOF>>>

Mr. T: I pity the fool that created a hallucination that looks
       like me!

John: "Oh my God! What part of my mind created him? What's next?
      Rosa Lopez?"

<<<POOF>>>

Rosa: Si?

John: "Aaaaaagh!! Will you people please shut up?!?"

Proctor: "Excuse me, but these outbursts are disruptive to the other
         students. Please try to control yourself!"

John: "Sorry, sir . . . sorry. I'll try to keep them under control.

Proctor: "Uh, what?"

John: "Never mind. Sorry. <aside>  Now listen you guys, you have to
      stop . . . ."

Lust: Hey, Rosa, honey, what are you doing after he passes out?

Mr. T: Where's the food? I pity the poor fool who doesn't cater his
       hallucinations! I could eat a dinosaur!

<<<POOF>>>

Barney: "I love you, you love me . . ."

<<<POOF>>>

Gluttony: I could certainly help you eat part of that dinosaur.
          As a matter of fact, I could probably tackle the whole
          grape flavored morsel . . .

Envy: Ooh, I wish I had his appetite. I couldn't even finish that
      huge hairy spider on John's arm.

John: "Aaaaugh! Ooops. Sorry."

Hal: Don't look at me that way. It wasn't me that time. Looks like
     you need an exterminator.

<<<POOF>>>

Terminator: Are you Sarah Connor?

Lust: I don't know her? What does she look like? Does she wear
      thong bikinis?

<<<POOF>>>

Kathy Ireland: Oh, Hi John. Could you help put sun screen on my
               practically naked body?

John: "Please, not in front of Barney."

Barney: I love you, you love me . . .

<<<POOF>>>

Michael Crichton: JURASSIC PARK was a good movie, no matter what
                  you say. Okay, so it wasn't as cerebral as the
                  book, but you have to "dumb things down" for the
                  great unwashed masses.

John: "No, you don't. I hate when you make that assumption."

Michael Crichton: It made lots of money, anyway.

Envy: Ooh, I wish I had his money.

<<<POOF>>>

The Baltimore Orioles: Listen, this isn't about the money . . .

Hal: It certainly is getting crowded in here.

John: "I'm sorry, were you talking to me? I was just thinking there
      was something I should be doing . . . HEY, somebody get Lust
      away from Kathy Ireland!

Proctor: "Time's up, people. Please put your work on my desk as you
         leave."

John: "Party time! Hal, you buy the pizza!"

<<<<POOF!>>>>

                                {DREAM}

Copyright 1995 Greg Borek, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Greg Borek is a C programmer with a "Highway Helper" (OK, "Beltway
Bandit" - but don't tell his boss we told you) in Falls Church, VA.
He has previously been mistaken for a vampire. Greg can be reached
via e-mail at: gborek@dreamforge.com
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