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 DEAR YBBA
   by Larry Tritten
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  *{DEAR YBBA will be serialized in future issues of DREAM FORGE}*
   
 
 Dear Ybba:
 
   The other day I went to a bi-color orgy with a female friend.
 I moded for irridescence, pointing out that it was optimum for
 such circumstances, but she changed hue promiscuously all evening,
 going from blonde through slate black, ash gray, topaz, luna 
 cotta, rose, orange madder, emerald, smalt, and plum. She had a
 better time than I did, and she also met a guy with plaid 
 erogenous zones -- as I write this they're vacationing together
 on Opus. Do you think I should have been a bolder and more
 whimsical colorist?
 
 PALE AND WAN
 
 Dear Pale and Wan:
 
   Who knows? This is the kind of thing that has to be played by
 aura. It's hard to know what another person's preferences will
 be. There are women who prefer schromatic types or total 
 swartness. Iridescence is optimum but it isn't very adventurous.
 Your date apparently was the type who prefers extreme tincture.
 She might just as well have been an enthusiast of pastels. She
 might even have been the type who likes off-color jokes. Mating
 is never easy, whether you're a plasmic blob, a machine, or a
 humanoid. Keep at it.
 
 Dear Ybba:
 
   I'm a biophysicist whose current work involves the application
 of Freudian dream theory to the consciousness of molecular
 crystals, which are not only alive but exhibit rudimentary
 perceptive activity. My research has proved conclusively to my
 mind that crystals dream of chandeliers, dreams that I infer
 reflect wishes -- dreams of grandeur, so to speak. A colleague,
 in the meantime, has used a crystal ball to arrive at the notion
 that crystals often dream of a place called Tiffany's, which
 they conceive of as a paradisical post-life setting, i.e. heaven.
 Do you think that divination is a valid technique for studying
 crystals?
 
 SCIENTIFIC DREAMER
 
 Dear Scientific Dreamer:
 
   I don't want to shine you on, but I suspect that crystal balls
 may (or may not) be as good a method of scientific investigation
 as any, especially those filled with snowflakes that swirl around
 when you turn them upside down. If you can't get one of them the
 next best bet is a "magic" Eight-Ball that answers yes or no
 questions with a rotating strip of printed answers that can be
 consulted on the bottom of the ball.  Seriously, I don't think
 that science has all of the answers. I'm not so flip as to 
 subscribe to the newly fashionable theory of physics that matter
 doesn't, but I do know that atoms and molecules tend to be more
 fickle in some parts of the universe than in others, and I'm
 sure you've heard the theory that the whole universe is just a
 dream in the mind of God.  Sweet dreams.
 
                              {DREAM}
 
 Copyright 1995 Larry Tritten, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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 Veteran freelance writer Larry Tritten has published more than 700
 pieces in such publications as THE NEW YORKER, VANITY FAIR, PLAYBOY,
 COSMOPOLITAN, SPY, HARPER'S, and THE NATIONAL LAMPOON.
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