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TURDS
The Turds never became accepted in this country because of ther name. The
Turds, or people from Turdsmania, were people of healthy stock. They were
tall, with long straight hair; the men robust, the women bold and
beautiful. The first Turds arrived on these shores in fifteen eighty-nine,
one year after the defeat of the Spanish Armada. They were unjustly
blamed for the defeat of the Spanish Fleet when a Spanish admiral
remarked, "No wonder we lost, we had a bunch of turds managing our
cannons!"
When finally in America, they also had trouble with lodgings. Most
boarding houses had a sign on the front, "No Turds." 
The Turdsmen naturally interpreted it to mean, "No people from
Turdsmania, please." They consequently felt rejected, as would any Turd.
Even those who decided to return to Turdsmania had a rough time going
back. Once on the boat, they would ask, "Where do the Turds stay?" And a
mate would innocently reply, "Why, in the can sir," thinking it was some
kind of Navy test. The Turdsmen would spend the rest of the voyage
huddled in the men's room. Once back in the homeland, however, their lot
became a happier one. Each man and woman could pass each other on the
street and proudly say, "I'm a Turd!"



