

   COUSIN  MIKE                                      (c) 1995 by Bob Miller

 Early this morning, the Vice-President of our local bank dropped by the
 office to ask if I could do him a favor and try to fix his sister-in-
 law's computer.  He has been of enormous help to the counseling Center
 over the years with fund raising efforts and general assistance.  I was
 happy to help him out.

 Background: His sister-in-law has a 486-33 with 4 megs running Windows
 3.1; DOS5.0; WordPerfect 5.1 and little else.  They were having a few
 problems and "cousin Mike--the computer expert" had offered to help
 them.  After a couple of hours, most programs didn't run at all so Mike
 left to "ask his buddies" in the office what he should do.  He returned
 to inform them that he was absolutely certain that he could fix
 everything.  Three hours later, nothing at all worked and Mike slunk
 away.

 I started with my standard procedure.  I ran a virus check and the
 machine came up clean.  I then tried "Type config.sys". Interesting!
 First time I have ever seen these lines:

 FILES=180
 BUFFERS=160
 SHELL=C:\DOS\COMMAND.COM C:\DOS\ /E:16384 /p

 I fixed these and re-booted.  Interesting.  The computer asked for the
 date and time even though it is showing the correct values for both.  I
 tried  "Type Autoexec.bat" and got an "ACCESS DENIED" message!  Access
 denied on a type command?  I did a DIR on the root and find 488 files.
 Many are clearly WordPerfect documents that were saved to the root
 directory. But there are also files you dont expect to find in a root
 directory---files that end in .GRP and .INI.  There were three
 Autoexecs ending in .bak, .bav and .baz--but not .bat!  I looked at
 these three and they are all in written using the Word Perfect format.
 Got rid of them along with the five copies of the older configs (three
 of which are  in the WordPerfect  format) and found the autoexec.bat.

 It is a Directory!!  In it are most--but not all--of the contents of a
 normal Windows directory.  There is a \System subdirectory with, again,
 most but not all of what should be in Windows\System. I then I found a
 SAVE directory with 75% of both Windows and System's files.  In Windows
 itself, about half the normal files are there while only six files
 remain in \System.  I tried to start Windows and there is much flashing
 of the screen as it tries to load the five (!) instances of QBASIC that
 are in the startup group.  It freezes before it can try for the four
 copies of EDIT that are also there.

 I rebooted, deleted the startup group entirely and then re-started
 Windows. This time it comes up - all forty-two group windows including,
 but not limited, to Main, Main1, Main2, Main3, Games, Games1. Few of
 the groups are identical although WordPerfect is in all forty-two.  It
 is also a bit difficult to use since the titles under each icon are
 using the symbol font.

 I wonder how much Cousin Mike could have screwed up the system if he
 hadn't been an expert?

 Lacking a Deltree command in DOS 5.0, -remember?  I am reduced to
 copious use of del*.* followed by rd ( remove directory) commands.  I
 then deleted the 872 files -(9.35 MB)- in \Windows\temp and the 533
 files (5.7 MB) in C:\TEMP. I  installed a fresh copy of Windows into
 C:\WIN, tidied everything up, put a full set of [RESTRICTIONS] into
 PROGMAN.INI and left.

 And Rosemary thinks that her computer is screwed up!!!

 Bob Miller is the director of a non-profit Mental Health agency. He is
 also the Host of several online conferences including the Ilink ProComm
 conference. He is a very knowledgable Windows professional who has
 regularly helped out his buddy and soon-to-be co-columnist for
 WindoWatch - Rosemary McGuire.

                                     ww
