                   _____                               _____
                  /     \_____________________________/     \
                 |       |   THE ROCKET #9 READER    |       |
                  \_____/     Official Newsletter     \____ /
                   |____============Of-The============= ___|
                  /     \      MST3K Fidonet Echo     /     \
                 |       |___________________________|       |
                  \_____/      Volume 1 Number 9      \_____/
                                   June 1994

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                                   CONTENTS
                                (Main0694.TXT)

Section 00 ------------------>   Section & File Contents 
Section 01 ------------------>   Another Boring Editorial? Shut up! SHUT UP!
Section 02 ------------------>   Feature: PLAY MST FOR ME 2!
Section 03 ------------------>   Feature: The Anti-Holly by Scott Davis!
Section 04 ------------------>   Feature: MST3K Cameos & Guest Appearances!
Section 05 ------------------>   Feature: MSTie Listie by Tony Trujillo!
Section 06 ------------------>   Feature: Mike In TV Guide by Brian Hammack!
Section 07 ------------------>   Feature: Beneath the Planet of Top Tens!
Section 08 ------------------>   Feature: The Stand Sketch by Robert Payes!
Section 09 ------------------>   Feature: Radio Free MST3K by Kris Edwards!
Section 10 ------------------>   Feature: Suffering USA by the Bitch Boys!
Section 11 ------------------>   Feature: CCentral Under Siege by Mark Holtz!
Section 12 ------------------>   Feature: French Bashing by Tim Josephson!
Section 13 ------------------>   Feature: July MST3K Schedule by Mike Pearce!
Section 14 ------------------>   Feature: Ren Fest Punching Bags by Tony T.!
Section 15 ------------------>   Feature: Convention Suggestions by Larry T.!
Section 16 ------------------>   Feature: Echo Shirt Results by Tony T.!
Section 17 ------------------>   Feature: Season 6 Update by Henry & Pearce!
Section 18 ------------------>   Feature: Japanese Monsters by Frank Evans!
Section 19 ------------------>   Feature: MST3K in Entertainment Weekly!
Section 20 ------------------>   Feature: MST3K PSA by Tim Josephson!
Section 21 ------------------>   Feature: Super Idea for Super NES by Kesse!
Section 22 ------------------>   Feature: And More...!
Section 23 ------------------>   Feature: We Got Newbie Sign by B.Hammack!
Section 24 ------------------>   Feature: Indestructible Man Sequels by Many!
Section 25 ------------------>   Feature: Love Theme Music by Pat Gomes!
Section 26 ------------------>   Feature: Winky Trivia by Eric Wilson!
Section 27 ------------------>   Feature: Zima Review by Robert Payes!
Section 28 ------------------>   Feature: MST3K Season Two Reviews! 
Section 29 ------------------>   MSTHour Host Segment: #310 Fugitive Alien!
Section 30 ------------------>   Great Literary Moments: Rise & Fall of Tom!
Section 31 ------------------>   Greatest Hits: Tubular Boobular Joy! 
Section 32 ------------------>   MST3K Related Taglines In OLX Format!
Section 33 ------------------>   File Exchange: Internet, MST3K FDN & RAD!
Section 34 ------------------>   Push The Button! End Credits...

                               EXTERNAL FILES

GODZILLA.TXT ---------------->   Frequent RN9R Flyer, Robert Payes did some
                                 painstaking research on the "GODZILLA VS"
                                 thread. Here are the results, as well as a
                                 huge collection of the 'Best Of' that thread!

INTERNET.TXT ---------------->   A collection of the best & most informative
                                 messages from the Internet/Usenet newsgroup
                                 alt.tv.mst3k!

MST-ANSI.ZIP ---------------->   A Collection of MST3K GIF2ANSI Pics plus one 
                                 special original by Mark Dezelon! 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                   SECTION 01: ANOTHER BORING EDITORIAL

Ahhh, June! Finally a month we can sink our teeth into! But it's too darn
hot to do anything now! Think I'll go stretch out in my hammock little bud...
Oops, been watching a few too many Gilligan reruns. Well, since we finally
have some great weather, I'm taking all of you readers out to the patio and
we're going to have a MSTie style barbecue! Hope somebody remembered to bring
the hamburger buns!

Our first course is a neato-frito listing of all the cameo appearances by
various folks during MST3K Season 2-5! It took a lot of work, so be proud
of it! Dig into the big bowl of Season Two MST3K Reviews! Yummy! What can
we wash all this great grub down with? Why, a sparkling review of the yuppie
slime-drink Zima by RN9R regular Robert Payes, that's what! Still hungry?
Try the MSTie A-Z List picked fresh from the alt.tv.mst3k vine & whipped up
into an appetizing little feature by MST3K Echo Moderator, Tony Trujillo.
Brian Hammack brought over the pot-luck TV Guide article on Mike Nelson! Are
you full & bored already? Wanna' play 'Winky Trivia'? No, no, no! Zip your
pants back up, I'm talking about the article from Eric Wilson! Someone turn
up the boom box, there's a report from Pat Gomes on the Love Theme Music
that I want to hear...But you look like you're still hungry? There's a tangy
yet appetizing serving of the Anti-Holly dished up by Scott Davis. I know 
you're probably sick of my Top Ten casseroles, but it's filling & very frugal 
(I'm a disciple of Jeff Smith!). Eat it or get out! Brian Hammack put the
inedible parsely garnish on top of my Top Ten casserole! And the Evil Dr. 
Holly McKinney & her lab monkey TV's Scott Davis even pitched in with a few 
ingredients! TV's Scott Davis (again?!) helped me out (with Tony Trujillo & 
Brian Henry) on a zesty salad of sequels to the stinker Indestructible Man. 
Andy Rose, Matt Brady, Brian Hammack & Pattie Sisson put some added spice to 
the Indestructible salad. Robert Payes brought a deep-dish sketch made from 
essence of Stephen King's TV Movie, THE STAND. Brian Hammack & Eric Wilson 
brought over a total of *THREE* MSTified echo messages. At this rate, we'll 
have leftovers! Eat up! Kris Edwards thrilled & delighted everyone with the 
news about an impending brush with greatness, a radio interview with two of 
Best Brains! Mr. Hammack brought over so much stuff for the MSTie barbecue, 
we'll have enough to feed Ethiopia! Brian just LOVES to help me out in the 
kitchen, this time putting just a dollop of bull-whipped topping onto my 
"Suffering" Song! Mark Holtz brought over some great woman shaped pool floats 
(At least I THOUGHT they were pool floats!) & a nifty little dish of Comedy 
Central Under Siege. Tim Josephson brought over some French fries, French 
bread & a steaming bowl of French Class ala' MST3K. Qui, qui! No, don't wee 
wee in the pool! While some of y'all were swimming & playing tennis or some 
other tiring, strenuous, healthy things at the barbecue, Chris Kesse was 
inside in the air conditioned confines of the palatial RN9R HQ demonstrating 
his new MST3K Game for the Super NES! Internet Honcho Mike Pearce dropped by 
with an appetizing kettle full of the MST3K July schedule! And just in case 
someone went belly-up from eating my award winning raccoon & potato salad, 
Tim Josephson dropped by with a report on the MST3K Red Cross PSA (I posted 
one, as well as transcripts from BOTH commercials! Get me, I did a service to 
the MSTie public). It's just not a barbecue without a hideous, giant Japanese 
monster dropping in, now is it? The Hell?!? Anyway, Frank Evans from the Fido 
TV Echo posted a checklist of some famous Japanese monsters. I thought it'd 
be interesting to you MSTies! Probably the highlight of the barbecue was when 
echo moderator Tony Trujillo showed up in a jester costume clutching the Ren 
Fest transcript. We were laughing WITH him, not AT him. Everyone has bloated 
bellies & are lolling around the entertainment center. Guess it's time to pop 
in the PLAY MST FOR ME 2 tape I just got in the mail & wow everyone! Ed Lynn 
brought his copy, just in case my tape busts. Well, we can watch that or we 
can all contemplate the MST3K Season Six movie list that Mike Pearce brought 
over. Brian Henry even brought over an in-depth update to the Sixth Season so 
we won't run out of things to do, will we? And us unfortunates who CAN'T go 
to the MSTieCon can at least watch Larry Trujillo make a sensible, itemized 
checklist of things to do during the ConventioCon Expo-Fest-a-Rama (boohoo).
Ahhh, man! I got lipstick & liquor stains all over my good shirt...What am I
gonna do? Order a Fidonet MST3K Echo shirt with the rest of the crowd! Tony
Trujillo, with trusty pen & order forms has sold a bazillion of them in the 
short time they've been on the drawing board...Check out his list of Echo
folks who want them...And just cross your fingers he doesn't jet off to Rio
with all the dough! <G>

Finally, brushed on top of all of THOSE great features, not unlike a fine bbq
sauce, are our normal monthly features: MST3k taglines, Song lyrics, Sketch
transcript, MSTHour Host segment and a file exchange! Enjoy the barbecue! But
please! Please! Wait an hour before you go back into the pool, won't you?

As a special treat for our readers, I've included a collection of MST3K ANSI 
pictures in an external file (MST-ANSI.ZIP). The collection includes SEVEN, 
count 'em *SEVEN* sharp pics of Tom Servo, a couple Crow pictures, and one a 
Crow/Mike (or Joel) sillouhette from the theater. These were made using a
sharp utility called ANSICV22.ZIP provided to me by the Monsta himself, Shane 
Powell. Thanks, budro. An additional Servo picture was drawn by Mark Dezelon, 
and it's great! Thanks Mark! Use the DOS "Type" command on these pictures!

I've also included a an external file that's a collection of the best & most 
informative messages from the Internet/Usenet alt.tv.mst3k newsgroup. It's 
filename, oddly enough, is INTERNET.TXT!

Serial contributor (and killer, I might add - just kidding!) Robert Payes
did everyone on the Fidonet echo a HUGE favor by researching that pesky
GODZILLA VS. thread that's been raging on for months & months & months!
His 'Best Of The Godzilla Vs.' and accompanying research is a third external
file called "GODZILLA.TXT"!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                       SECTION 02: PLAY MST FOR ME 2!

Well, those six-to-eight weeks really flew! I got the PLAY MST FOR ME 2 
video in the mail early in June and had promised to give everyone an in
depth review. Here's the lowdown. 
=============================================================================

There are FOURTEEN songs on the tape, three of which are new. The
contents of the tape goes as follows:

 1) Introduction (Narrated by Trace!)
 2) Mike Era Love Theme
 3) "Oh, Kim Cattrall" by Crow T. Robot  - CITY LIMITS
 4) "The Janitor Song" by Mike & Bots - TEENAGE STRANGLER
 5) "My Wild Irish Ireland" by Mike & Bots - ALIEN FROM L.A.
 6) "Toobular, Boobular Joy" by Mike & Bots - THE OUTLAW
 7) Dance Number by TV's Frank & Dr. Forrester (Instrumental) - THE OUTLAW
 8) "Whispering Christmas Warrior" by Mike & Bots - SANTA CLAUS
 9) "Merry Christmas, If Thats O.K." by Mike & Bots - SANTA CLAUS
10) "Doughy Guys" by Mike & Bots - TEENAGE CRIMEWAVE
11) "Mystos" (Mint Commercial) by Crow T. Robot - TEENAGE CRIMEWAVE
12) "The Greatest Frank Of All" by Mike & Bots - VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS
13) "Cosmic Freight Train" by Mike & Bots - DEAD TALK BACK     
14) "Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter" by TV's Frank - COLOSSUS & THE HEADHUNTERS
15) "Square Dance" by Crow T. Robot w/Mike, Tom & Gypsy - BLOODLUST
16) End Credits accompanied by the Michael Feinstein Gamera Theme arrangement

Each song features an MTV/VH1 style credit featuring the song name &
the movie it's from (I printed them above)...The Introduction to the
video is probably the funniest part of the whole tape! I've released
a transcript of it, under seperate cover (along with the equally hilarious
video tape label!). Most all of you already know the eleven songs from
Season 5 (and the ONE Season 4 song, "Oh, Kim Cattrall") so I won't spend 
any time reviewing these. The three featured Season 6 songs are actually 
kind of uneven (by MST3K song standards!) They're all very funny, but
not much to quote or transcribe. Here's the report on them:

COSMIC FREIGHT TRAIN (Featured during DEAD TALK BACK): Mike & Bots are all
dressed in tie-dye clothes, Mike with a headband, Gypsy with shaggy blonde
wig & get this - Crow with scruffy grey beard & round colored glasses. The
joke is they are "The Dead" (as in GRATEFUL). Mike & Bots have instruments
& launch into the song & after only one or two lyrics from Mike, Crow (who's
supposed to be Jerry Garcia!) launches into a guitar solo that goes on...and
on...and on...and on...and....You get the idea. They show Frank & Forrester
asleep, standing up, leaning against each other...Mike & other bots get
bored waiting for the solo to end and it cuts away & back, to show the time
lapsed and has Mike & Tom playing chess, Mike folding little minature bot
clothes while Tom plays solitaire, etc. Movie sign finally interrupts & Mike
& Tom rush off to the theater, but Crow continues to play! Mike has to rush
back & grab him, dragging him & guitar to the theater!

NUMMY MUFFIN COOCOL BUTTER (Featured during COLOSSUS & THE HEADHUNTERS): 
This is one of Frank's typical numbers. It shows a new side of Deep 13 - A 
WINDOW! (I thought D13 was underground?!?) Frank stands by the window &
sings this strange song to a lost "pet". The lyrics are pretty funny, but
it's not a "When Chauffeurs Ruled The World"...

SQUARE DANCE (Featured during BLOODLUST): Crow in overalls & straw hat, 
sitting on a bale of hay, calls the square dance while Mike, Tom & Gypsy 
gad about behind the counter. There are a few really funny square dance
calls by Crow, then Mike starts slam dancing into the Bots, Tom loses his
head, Gypsy freaks out, Crow falls off the hay & starts screaming ANARCHY!
ANARCHY! Pretty funny!
===========================================================================                        
                        PLAY MST FOR ME 2: THE TAPE
===========================================================================
                         TAPE LABEL TRANSCRIPTION:
                         -------------------------
   MST3K
 Planetoid                   PLAY MST FOR ME 2
   Logo                         The Music Of
                        MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000
               (C) 1994 Best Brains, Inc. All Rights Reserved

VIEWER CHOICE! This is your official PLAY MST FOR ME 2 VHS Videotape!
There are many others like it, but this one is yours. Only this tape is
officially sanctioned by the MST Info Club and bears the official OK
Seal of Approval. Enjoy it in good taste, and remember to use only
genuine MST parts.                                      
                                                           APPROVAL
    BEST BRAINS, INC. P.O Box 5325, Hopkins MN  55343      --------
                                                           |  OK  |    
                                                           --------
                                                           OFFICIAL
===========================================================================
                              THE INTRODUCTION
                        (Narrated by Trace Beaulieu)

(A computer generated star field effect appears with a criss-crossing
 yellow spotlight...)

Welcome to PLAY MST FOR ME 2, The Music of MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000,
another fine product of Best Brains, Incorporated. 

Here are a few suggestions to help you enjoy the video tape presentation
safely. For maximum enjoyment, insert your cassette into a video tape
player. Do not tamper with the inner workings of the cassette or the
player or accidental death or dismemberment may result. Remember to 
sterilize the tape, the player and yourself before proceeding. Surround
yourself and the player with several layers of LEXAN sheeting to preserve
the sterile field. Whenever possible, breath bottled air while viewing.
And NEVER emerge your tape in chemical or animal waste! And now enjoy...
PLAY MST FOR ME 2! (At this time, the Mike era Love Theme commences...)
===========================================================================
Date: 06-07-94 (07:33)             Number: 426
From: ED LYNN
  To: ALL
Subj: Play mstie for me 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyone got the "Play MSTie for Me 2" cassette yet?  Got mine yesterday and it
has three season six songs...[spoilers...]

From "Dead Talk Back": The song is "Cosmic Freight Train" and features our
favorite SOLers in a Grateful Dead parody.  Gypsy is the groupie and Crow does
a killer Garcia (complete with beard and guitar), playing for what seems like
an eternity.  Features an interesting outside view of the ship, IMO.

From "Collossus and the Headhunters": Frank sings "Nummy Muffin Coocol
Butter."  He's in front of a window with stars (I thought they were in an
underground lair).

From "Bloodlust": Crow plays the caller for "Square Dance" while the other
SOLers dance in the background.  ("Anarchy. Anarchy. Now promenade...")

The rest of the tape consists of all your favorites from the last half of
season five and one with Crow from City Limits.

It was worth it to see the three season six bits early, though. Especially the
"Cosmic Freight Train."  I loved that one...

 * Origin: NETWORK East  (1:109/459)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                        SECTION 03: THE ANTI-HOLLY!

She brings you foul tidings of mirth & glee! The Anti-Holly, aiiee! I still
maintain the AH is perky, annoying Kathie Lee Gifford, but I don't want to
incur the rath of the real Holly by spreading false prophecies. It shall all 
come to pass & then there will be great suffering & butt-grafts for everyone!
===========================================================================
Date: 05-21-94 (15:45)             Number: 1068
From: SCOTT DAVIS                  Refer#: NONE
  To: ANDY ROSE                     Recvd: NO  
Subj: Slobbre Vous                   Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
CS>The prophesied(sp?) return of the Queen McKinney!!!
WM> But we must stand constant vigil for, alas, the Anti-Holly may be

AR> So if Holly is evil (and she IS evil), does that mean that the
AR> Anti-Holly is just unbearably nice?

Unbearably.  Thus is it written...

"In the days before the convention, unrest shall prevail upon the land.
There shall be no new MST nor neither shall the early seasons be seen
and a great sadness shall descend upon the MSTies, nigh until near unto
the days of long light.  But verily, despair not, for unto shall be
two signs, two beacons of hope upon the darkness that pervades your souls.

For from out of the barren soil of Fido shall spring up an echo, and
MSTies shall gather to it from far and wide and share of their obscure
knowledge and spread their twisted sense of humour and generally annoy
the populous at large.  And being in the company of others of their
ilk, they shall be as free and shall MSTify with joy and abundance.
This shall be good.  For there shall be many strange and wonderous
things to rise up from this union of insanity.  Stinky fish boys,
newsletters, eternal "Godzilla vs." threads, and of course...
The Evil Queen... the second sign.

Spreading pain and insult, she shall flow through the echo, like a silent
harbinger of doom/hope.  With quick wit and razor tongue she shall cut
down those who would oppose her, those who would threaten the MSTies
that she loves and protects.  And her name shall be Holly, and many
a MSTie shall tremble at the hearing of it.  With a single name ablaze
across her heart, she shall promote the Evil ideals of He Whom She
Does Love, called by some Dr. F. and by others is known as Steve.

But beware.  In the darkest hours before the new season, rumours shall
appear of a new voice.  An Anti-Holly, spreading kindness and good words.
A demonic hellbeast of goodness and virtue that shall threaten to spell
the end of the echo.  Be you not taken in by her sweetness.  It hides
the bitter aftertaste of death."

At that point, it starts going on about badgers, and the rest of it
doesn't really make a great deal of sense.

* Origin: (404) 869-3410 * 25+ Megs of MST3k Files *  (1:3616/20.0)
===========================================================================
Date: 06-01-94 (13:30)             Number: 13
From: WILL MORGAN                  Refer#: 477
  To: ANDY ROSE
Subj: Re: Slobbre Vous
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
AR> AR>        I'm a HOLLYtheist.  I believe that Holly was created out of a
AR> AR>big explosion by chance.

AR> WM> HOLLYtheists & HOLLYgnostics will be cast into the Pit of Niceness...
AR> WM> (Under Kathie Lee's arm! Eeeeeyooooooo!)

AR> I repent!

I knew the pit part would give you religion!

Join me in an old fashioned hymn, brother!

Grafting on the butts!
Grafting on the butts!
SHE shall stand before us!
Grafting on our buttttttts!
===========================================================================
Date: 06-01-94 (14:20)             Number: 13
From: WILL MORGAN                  Refer#: 498
  To: JOHNNY BURKHART
Subj: Re: SUFFERING USA
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
JB>Who is this HOLLY anyway

JB>admited MST(new)be

The Evil Dr. Holly is our queen. She is aquainted with the night.
Her lime green lab coat flutters like parchment bat wings. Her
dainty army boots grind down the meek & mild. Her greatest ambition
is to study under, behind & on top of Dr. Clayton Forrester. She
is also a Koo-Koo-Moderator on this Echo. Her rapier like wit has
been known to reduce even the strongest of mere mortal males to
bland puddles of pablum. She is a master of the radical surgery
method known as the butt-graft. She can cut a mosquito in half
at 300 yards using an AK47 from a water tower. She has also been
known to make a kick-ass batch of S'mores in her spair time!

Beware, she is armed, heavily sedated & to be considered dangerous.
But, she's one heck'uva nice lady!
===========================================================================
Date: 06-12-94 (19:34)             Number: 458
From: ERIC SZULCZEWSKI
  To: SCOTT REYNOLDS
Subj: Re: Knobslobbre Vous?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
SR> I have a question.  If Holly and the Anti-Holly collided, would they
SR> cancel
SR> each other out in an explosion which would release great quantities of
SR> energy?
SR> Aren't you sorry you slept through Physics?

Having a degree in Physics, I can answer this one for everyone:  Holly is all.
We all know this, and accept it.  The Anti-Holly, being a polar opposite, must
possess the same characteristics as The Holly, including size and mass, except
that the Anti-Holly's nuclear spin characteristics must be opposite.  This
extends in to all areas, thus the water in The Holly's toilet spins clockwise
when flushed, while the Anti-Holly's must spin counter-clockwise.  This places
the Anti-Holly in the Southern Hemisphere, most probably Australia, and thus
the Anti-Holly has already consumed Joel upon landing, which is why he hasn't
come back to direct every third episode.

If The Holly and the Anti-Holly collide, all will end.  We will all be
annihilated instantly in a universe-destroying explosion.  Except that The
Holly, praise her name, will preserve Trace from destruction, and plunge him
into an alternate universe with no Anti-Holly, where the alternate universe
Holly will immediately make him her love slave and all-around main squeeze,
and that universe will venerate him as well, praise the Holy Trace.

Glad to answer your query.

 * Origin: The Stygian Abyss BBS (312) 384-6250 Chicago, Il. (1:115/384)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-                           

                       SECTION 04: MST3K GUEST LIST!

Ever wonder who played Abe Vigoda during Episode #211 FIRST SPACESHIP ON
VENUS (the Mads had him tucked away neatly in a junk drawer!). You did? Read 
the book! Er, at least, read the following list! You'll find the answer!
============================================================================                           
                           MST3K GUESTS & CAMEOS       
                           ---------------------
  Roll Played...............Guest Star Name...............During This Movie
 ===========================================================================                                 
                                 SEASON TWO          
                              (Deep 13 Cameos)
 ===========================================================================                                 
  Gerry                     Brent Peterson (1)               Rocketship X-M
  Sylvia                    Alex Carr (1)                    Rocketship X-M
  Gerry                     Nathan Molstead (1)                Side Hackers
  Sylvia                    Amy Kane (1)                       Side Hackers
  Gerry                     Jim Smith (1)                  Phantom Creeps I
  Gerry                     James Smith                      Catalina Caper
  Sylvia                    Robert Czech (1)                 Catalina Caper
  Gerry                     Nathan Molstead        Godzilla vs. Sea Monster
  Sylvia                    Robert Czech           Godzilla vs. Sea Monster
  Gerry                     Nathan Molstead                   King Dinosaur
  Abe Vigoda                Michael J. Nelson (2)  First Spaceship On Venus
 ===========================================================================                                 
                            (Satellite Visitors)
 ===========================================================================                                 
  Valeria, Space Vixen      Michael J. Nelson                Rocketship X-M
  J.C. From Movie           Michael J. Nelson                  Side Hackers
  Gooch From Movie          Frank Conniff (3)                  Side Hackers
  Imperialist Alien #1      Michael J. Nelson                Jungle Goddess
  Imperialist Alien #2      Jim Mallon (4)                   Jungle Goddess
  Mothra                    Michael J. Nelson      Godzilla vs. Sea Monster
  Cosmonaut Sorri Andropoli Michael J. Nelson                Rocketship USA
  Hugh Beaumont             Michael J. Nelson                Lost Continent
  Gorilla visitor           Crist Ballas (1)       First Spaceship On Venus     
 ===========================================================================                                 
                                SEASON THREE          
                              (Deep 13 Cameos)
 ===========================================================================                                 
  Gerry As A Referee        Christopher Wurst (1)         The Cave Dwellers
  Punk Rock Girl            Bridget Jones (5)                The Pod People
  Growth Baby (Before)      Eli Kenneth Mallon (6)         Time Of The Apes
  Growth Baby (After)       Timothy Scott (7)              Time Of The Apes
  Over-grown Growth Baby    Timothy Scott                           Daddy O
  Gerry                     Brent Peterson                          Daddy O
  Critic Robert Plant       Kevin Murphy (8)           Amazing Colossal Man
  A&E Host Jack Perkins     Michael J. Nelson (9)          Fugitive Alien I
  Pianist M. Feinstein      Michael J. Nelson             Gamera vs. Guiron
  Gerry                     Kevin Murphy                   Gamera vs. Zigra
  Sylvia                    Jef Maynard (10)               Gamera vs. Zigra
 ===========================================================================                                 
                            (Satellite Visitors)
 ===========================================================================                                 
  Gamera                    Michael J. Nelson                        Gamera
  Dorky Guy From Movie      Michael J. Nelson                       Daddy O
  Colossal Man Glen         Michael J. Nelson          Amazing Colossal Man
  School Custodian          Michael J. Nelson          Earth vs. The Spider
  Helen From Movie          Bridget Jones                  Gamera vs. Zigra
  Kenny From Movie          Michael J. Nelson              Gamera vs. Zigra
  Colossal Man Glen         Michael J. Nelson     War Of The Colossal Beast
 ===========================================================================                                 
                                SEASON FOUR         
                              (Deep 13 Cameos)
 ===========================================================================                                 
  Morissey                  Michael J. Nelson                   City Limits
  Giant Leech               Kevin Murphy        Attack Of The Giant Leeches
  Steve Reeves              Michael J. Nelson            Hercules Unchained
  Officer Mike              Michael J. Nelson (11)       Indestructible Man
  Officer Kevin             Kevin Murphy (11)            Indestructible Man
  John Banner               Michael J. Nelson            Crash Of The Moons
  Director Harry Buchanan   Michael J. Nelson   Attack of the Eye Creatures
  William Conrad            Kevin Murphy                  Human Duplicators
  Torgo The Pizza Man       Michael J. Nelson          Manos, Hands Of Fate
 ===========================================================================                                 
                            (Satellite Visitors)
 ===========================================================================                                 
  Holo Clown #1             Michael J. Nelson     Being From Another Planet
  Holo Clown #2             Paul Chaplin (12)     Being From Another Planet
  Holo Clown #1 (13)        Michael J. Nelson   Attack Of The Giant Leeches
  Holo Clown #2 (13)        Paul Chaplin        Attack Of The Giant Leeches
  Winky                     Michael J. Nelson              Manhunt In Space
  Timmy (Dark Crow)         Jef Maynard (14)           Firemaidens Of Space
  John Banner               Michael J. Nelson            Crash Of The Moons
  Hugh Beaumont             Michael J. Nelson             Human Duplicators
 ===========================================================================                                 
                                SEASON FIVE         
                              (Deep 13 Cameos)
 ===========================================================================                                 
  Rodney the Male Stripper  Bradley J. Keely (1)        I Accuse My Parents 
  Torgo                     Michael J. Nelson          Operation Double 007
  Mike Nelson, Temp         Michael J. Nelson (15)                 Mitchell
  Krusher Kringle           Kevin Murphy (16)                   Santa Claus
  Mr. Pitch, the Devil      Paul Chaplin                        Santa Claus
  Torgo                     Michael J. Nelson (17)    Village Of The Giants
  Nuveena, Girl of Future   Bridget Nelson (18)          Twelve To The Moon
 ===========================================================================                                 
                            (Satellite Visitors)
 ===========================================================================                                 
  Voice Of Mega-Weapon      Michael J. Nelson    Warriors Of The Lost World
  Amazon Mom #1 (Elaine)    Bridget Nelson                         Hercules
  Amazon Mom #2 (Carol)     Mary Jo Pehl (19)                      Hercules
  Joel Robinson, Escapee    Joel Hodgson (20)                      Mitchell
  Jan The Head              Mary Jo Pehl            Brain That Wouldn't Die
  Lady With Papers To Sign  Mary Jo Pehl               Beginning Of The End
  Ma Nelson                 Mary Jo Pehl                        Santa Claus
  Pa Nelson                 Timothy Scott                       Santa Claus
  Junior Nelson             Patrick Brantseg                    Santa Claus
  TV's Frank                Frank Conniff (21)        Village Of The Giants
  Nuveena, Girl Of Future   Bridget Nelson (22)          Twelve To The Moon
 ===========================================================================                                 
                                 (Footnotes)
 ===========================================================================                                 
 (1) These are MST3K interns and/or contributing writers...
 (2) Nelson is MST3K's head writer (and eventual Joel-replacement)...
 (3) Frank Conniff also plays TV's Frank from Deep 13...
 (4) Jim Mallon is Producer/Writer/Voice of Gypsy...
 (5) Writer & has made several cameo appearances (also, wife of Mike Nelson)
 (6) This is the son of Jim Mallon, Producer/Writer/Voice of Gypsy...
 (7) Scott has done duties as Technical Supervisor, Editor, Audio-man,
     Lighting and has made other cameo appearances...
 (8) Murphy is Writer/Associate Producer/Voice of Tom Servo...
 (9) Nelson went on to recreate his impressive Perkins roll as The Host
     of each episode of the Mystery Science Theater Hour...
(10) Maynard is Toolmaster & occasional Art Directer...
(11) This is probably the only time FOUR of Best Brains have been on-camera
     without make-up at one time...Trace (Dr.F), Frank, Mike & Kevin...
(12) MST3K writer...
(13) These characters made a second appearance several weeks after they
     originally appeared during the movie 'Being From Another Planet'...
     Joel was angered at their crude behavior after Holo Clown #1 made an 
     off-color remark to Gypsy. He tried to get rid of them by cutting a 
     cable in their 'control box'...(It worked!)...
(14) Toolmaster Maynard opperated this "anti-Crow"... 
(15) Nelson, oft-time cameo's first appearance "as himself" - this is the
     much-talked about transitional episode...Joel Hodgson/Robinson steps
     down as star of MST3K and hands the job over to talented Mr. Nelson...
(16) Kevin Murphy aka Tom Servo appears as Santa...He is listed in the end
     credits as "Krusher Kringle" but the voice gives his identity away!
(17) Nelson has appeared numerous times as Torgo (from MANOS)...This time
     he's actually applying for a job! (To replace TV's Frank who had been
     fired by Dr. Forrester earlier during this episode)...
(18) Nuveena was credited as "Herself", but is obviously Bridget Nelson...
     (Previously Bridget Jones (See #5 Above)
(19) MST3K writer... 
(20) Joel's last episode...He briefly appeared in the Hexfield Viewscreen
     as he shuttled off to Australia in the Deus Ex Machina pod...
(21) Frank had one other cameo - Gooch, one of the bikers from "SIDE
     HACKERS"...This time, he appears as himself...
(22) Dual-cameo (on SOL & D13) - This is the FIRST guest alien to visit
     the SOL that actually was inside the Satellite, and not in the Hexfield
     Viewscreen! Also, first cameo to lap over three successive segments!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                         SECTION 05: MST3K A-Z LIST

M is for the many ways she...Uh, excuse me...Got carried away after reading
the following list! It's habit forming! Stop me before I alphabetize again!
=============================================================================  
  Msg#: 475                                          Date: 05-13-94  21:55
  From: Tony Trujillo                                Read: Yes    Replied: No 
    To: All                                          Mark:                     
  Subj: Internet Message                             Area: MST3K 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 TT> I saw this on alt.tv.mst3k and thought I'd share it with you all:

 TT> FROM:    KAUFMAN@MASON1.GMU.EDU          Area # 3032 (     alt.1027    
 TT> ) TO:      ALL                           MSG # 7289, May-9-94 11:32am
 TT> SUBJECT: Another take on MST3K A t       Newsgroup: alt.tv.mst3k

 TT> A is for Atom, we make a new Brain.
 TT> B is for Beaumont, Hugh's at it again.
 TT> C is for Chicago, where locusts did swarm.
 TT> D is for Deep Hurting - an endless sandstorm.
 TT> E is for Eegah, the big fellow's not all bad.
 TT> F is for Failures - Lemminkainen and Sinbad.
 TT> G is for Gamera in many a feature.
 TT> H is for "He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature."
 TT> I is for Iowa, where home-ec majors act pretty.
 TT> J is for James Earl Jones at the Limits of the City.
 TT> K is for Kneecaps - they're gigantic on Torgo.
 TT> L is for Lemur, whom the scientists did forego.
 TT> M is for Master Ninja with a really cool theme song.
 TT> N is for Nuveena, whose singing went on too long.
 TT> O is for Outlaw - Cabot's butt is burnt red.
 TT> P is for Puma, or whatever he said.
 TT> Q is for Question - Why were these films made?
 TT> R is for Radar - with it we're never afraid.
 TT> S is for Santy Claus on a planet up there.
 TT> T is for The The Eye Creatures who just didn't care.
 TT> U is for Ufay Anchumay, Pig Latin for one of the worst.
 TT> V is for Venus, where a spaceship was First.
 TT> W is for Ed Wood, whose Bride we did see.
 TT> X is for X-Rated, which Mr. Natural should B.
 TT> Y is for Young Bikers who were doing it for kicks.
 TT> Z is for Zero Stars for most of these flicks.

 TT>  ! Origin: Home of the MST3K echo (1:280/9)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                   SECTION 06: MIKE NELSON IN TV GUIDE!

The Brian Henry's ASCII had barely been saved to disk before his Best Brian
colleague Mr. Hammack had rushed out, grabbed a copy of TV Guide and filed
this transcript of the article. Those Brians! I think we'll keep 'em!
===========================================================================
Date: 05-20-94 (10:47)             Number: 480
From: BRIAN HAMMACK
  To: BRIAN HENRY
Subj: NELSON RIDDLER
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 BH> ...has anyone seen the article in next week's issue about Mike's
 BH> work as the "Host" for the MST Hour?  It's about time he got some
 BH> recognition for that!  Huzzah!

<< dropping everything, jogging to Nicholson's Pharmacy, searching the
last copy of 5/21 _TV Guide_ there, finding page 42, dropping a nickel on
photocopying, jogging home, reading ... and reproducing for the masses >>

Nelson Riddler
    As if filling the shoes of departed "test case" JOEL HODGSON and
maintaining head-writer status at Comedy Central's hysterical sci-fi
sendup _Mystery Science Theatre 3000_ weren't enough, MICHAEL J. NELSON
also dons much latex and spirit gum to incarnate the bald, white-bearded
"Host" of _The MST Hour_, the daily, 60-minute show that divides old
episodes into two parts.  While said Host bears a distinct resemblance to
A&E fixture JACK PERKINS, Nelso insists the parody is of a TV convention
rather than Perkins himself, whom Nelson met once.  "Perkins [as a host]
is exactly what he's like in real life -- he's this tweedy, warm guy who
couldn't be more friendly.  And funny.  But that persona embodies the
perfect TV host, so taking off on it and giving it a twisted side -- the
stress fractures of a tweedy host -- were only natural."

(pictures of Mike as Host and in the jumpsuit attached to article)

 * Origin: Total Access News & Info Sys, Tacoma, WA  206-472-9884 (1:138/103)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                 
                 SECTION 07: BENEATH THE PLANET OF TOP TENS!

I don't want to seem like I've went to this well too often, but it's pumping
sand right now. Who cares? Sand is a very economical filler when added to
hamburger meat. And everyone knows the RN9R is the greasy, artery clogging
newsletter equivalent of hamburger meat! Pad it out, patty it up! Eat it! My 
evil twin, Brian Hammack made that hamburger a double meat deluxe burger and
the Evil Dr. Holly McKinney pitched in with some cheese (real CHEESY cheese,
just the way we like it)! Scott Davis served up a nice side order of french
fried potatoes garnish! Chow down!
=============================================================================                 
                 TOP TEN REASONS WE MISS THE EVIL DR. HOLLY
                 ------------------------------------------
10. Nobody to feed & tend to her pet lab monkey, TV's Scott.
09. She promised to get us tickets to see Shane Powell on Frampton's
    1994 tour.
08. She makes evil just plain fun!
07. It was her turn to buy us all a round of Guiness!
06. Two words: Army boots!
05. We were starting to lose our pale, green palor since she stopped
    bombarding us with radiation.
04. While she's been away, we've been a BAD clown.
03. Multiple Scotts! Multiple Brians! Multiple Stinkys!
02. She's the only person who can defeat the Anti-Holly, Kathie Lee!

And the number one reason we miss the evil Dr. Holly...

01. Ahhh, those refreshing butt-graft operations!

                  TOP TEN SYMPTOMS OF BEING AN MST3K FANBOY
                  -----------------------------------------
10. You named your salt & pepper shakers Tom Servo & Crow...
09. You've been jailed on two seperate occasions after a fight broke
    out with a fellow MSTie over who's the better host, Joel or Mike.
08. You sold crack in order to get enough money to go to the MSTieCon.
07. In a mad fit of rage, you told your 89 year old grandmother "Bite me!"
06. You spend an embarrassing amount of time compiling MST3K Top Ten lists.
05. You arrange all your MST3K memorabelia on the living room floor and
    wallow around on it.
04. You know more about Joel Hodgson than his own mother does.
03. You've staged more than one hat party in the last year.
02. You're already camping out at the local Cine-Plex to make sure you're
    the first person in line to get tickets for the MST3K movie.
    
And the number one symptom of being an MST3K fanboy...

01. You literally lose control when your lime green Dr. Forrester 
    underoos are being washed.

      TOP TEN DEROGATORY MSTIE TERMS FOR PARAMOUNT HEAD, CASEY SILVER
      ---------------------------------------------------------------
10. Space-swish
09. That sorry bastard in Hollywood who's messing up the MST3K movie
08. Evil! EVIL!
07. The Roger Corman of the 90's
06. Dumb-Bot
05. Hollyweirdo
04. Mr. B Unnatural
03. Donald Trumpy
02. Paramount THIS!

And the number one derogatory MSTie term for Casey Silver...

01. Dickweed

                   TOP TEN REASONS WE WANT AN MST3K MOVIE
                   --------------------------------------
10. MST3K Happy Meals!
09. The Zen-like experience of sitting in a darkened theater watching a 
    movie of someone sitting in a darkened theater, watching a movie.
08. It'd give us another chance to eat some of that healthy theater popcorn!
07. It'd give Crow a valid excuse to tell Siskel & Ebert to bite him.
06. Inevitably, it would bring about peace in the Middle East.
05. No Zima commercials!
04. It'd give our pathetic lives meaning & give us a reason to get out
    of this festering stink-hole of a house for a few hours.
03. Because it's about time Hollywood did something for us!
02. That ticket girl at the Cine-plex is one hot babe!

And the number one reason we want an MST3K movie...

01. The action figures, damnit!

                  TOP TEN SIMILARITIES BETWEEN JOEL & MIKE
                  ----------------------------------------
10. They're both "Our guys in space"...
09. When Mike first wakes up, before he's had his coffee, he looks
    kinda' "goofy & sleepy" just like Joel...
08. Hodgson/Robinson/Nelson all end with "SON" and, coincidentally,
    Mike *HAS* a son!
07. Joel's secretary was named Kennedy & Mike's secretary is named 
    Lincoln...
06. Joel grew a goofy goatee at one period during MST3K, Mike looks
    like he has a goatee after eating those little white donuts!
05. Crow always stood to Joel's right, Servo to his left...Amazingly
    enough, Crow stands to Mike's right, Servo to his left!
04. J-O-E-L...M-I-K-E...Two consonants, two vowells, nuff said!
03. Mike is just a normal 'Joe' they didn't like. Joe is short for
    Joel, get the connection?
02. They both know Torgo personally.

And the number one similarity between Joel & Mike...

01. Jumpsuits! Jumpsuits! Jumpsuits!
===========================================================================
Date: 05-26-94 (04:56)             Number: 1457
From: BRIAN HAMMACK                Refer#: NONE
  To: WILL MORGAN                   Recvd: YES 
Subj: TOP TENS                       Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
WM>                  TOP TEN REASONS WE MISS THE EVIL DR. HOLLY
WM>                  ------------------------------------------
WM> 03. Multiple Scotts! Multiple Brians! Multiple Stinkys!

I wonder which of the above you are?  (I have my suspicions.)

WM>                   TOP TEN SYMPTOMS OF BEING AN MST3K FANBOY
WM>                   -----------------------------------------
WM> 10. You named your salt & pepper shakers Tom Servo & Crow...

Wouldn't it be neat if Rebel Icon _did_ make `Bot Shakers?

WM> 07. In a mad fit of rage, you told your 89 year old grandmother
WM> "Bite Me!"

Go to bed, old woman!

WM> 06. You spend an embarrassing amount of time compiling MST3k
WM> Top Ten lists.

Truth hurts, don't it?  :)  Thanks, BTW.  See 'em in a RN9R soon?

WM> 01. You literally lose control when your lime green Dr. Forrester
WM>     underoos are being washed.

Y'know, "losing control" IS why those Underoos are in the wash...


WM>  TOP TEN DEROGATORY MSTIE TERMS FOR PARAMOUNT HEAD, CASEY SILVER
WM>  ---------------------------------------------------------------
WM> 07. The Roger Corman of the 90's

He's still making movies.  How about the Bert I. Gordon of the 90's?


WM>                    TOP TEN REASONS WE WANT AN MST3K MOVIE
WM>                    --------------------------------------
WM> 10. MST3K Happy Meals!
WM> 09. The Zen-like experience of sitting in a darkened theater
WM> watching a movie of someone sitting in a darkened theater,
WM> watching a movie.

These are actually the top two!  Turn that card over already.

WM> 07. It'd give Crow a valid excuse to tell Siskel & Ebert to bite him.

Like some of the reviews they've given ain't enough?

WM> 05. No Zima commercials!

Or until it's the Saturday 2pm movie on CC...  Expect product placement!!!

WM> 04. It'd give our pathetic lives meaning & give us a reason to get
WM> out of this festering stink-hole of a house for a few hours.

Duh, I was waiting for it to come out on video or on cable...  hehehehe!

WM> 01. The action figures, damnit!

So you DID turn the card over, bubbie...


WM>                   TOP TEN SIMILARITIES BETWEEN JOEL & MIKE
WM>                   ----------------------------------------
WM> 02. They both know Torgo personally.

He's used their bathrooms?

WM> 01. Jumpsuits! Jumpsuits! Jumpsuits!

But they certainly wear them differently.  Logos and colors may vary.


           TOP TEN SIGNS OUR LITTLE PROGRAM HAS MADE IT BIG
           ------------------------------------------------

10.  More places stock those Dr. Forrester Underoos we like so much
       but they're sold out anyway.
09.  It does your heart good to see Crow action figures burned beyond
       all recognision.
08.  You can buy Tom Servo heads filled with candy.
07.  Topps makes trading cards with special hologram cards every 50
       packs -- but still no sticks of gum inside.
06.  You don't have to travel to Minnesota to attend a MST3k "con".
05.  The `bots appear on an MTV special with Pauley Shore.
04.  The Satellite of Love becomes a ride at Universal's Theme Park.
03.  You don't have to be a dickweed for an 11-yr-old to tell you to
       "bite me" then ride off on his BMX bike shouting "hikeeba!"
02.  Timmy the spectre files a discrimination suit in Federal court.

And the number one way to tell our little show has gone big-time...

01.  Comedy Central starts treating the show with some respect!

* Origin: Total Access News & Info Sys, Tacoma, WA  206-472-9884 (1:138/103)
===========================================================================
Date: 05-30-94 (01:44)             Number: 471
From: HOLLY MCKINNEY
  To: WILL MORGAN
Subj: Beneath Planet of Top Ten      Conf: (13) MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
On <26 May, 06:17>, Will Morgan wrote to All :

WM>                  TOP TEN REASONS WE MISS THE EVIL DR. HOLLY
WM>                  ------------------------------------------
WM> 10. Nobody to feed & tend to her lab monkey, TV's Scott.

In a kennel...as far as you know...

WM> 09. She promised to get us tickets to see Shane Powell on Frampton's
WM>     1994 tour.

Cancelled due to lack of interest...

WM> 08. She makes evil just plain fun!

I try...

WM> 07. It was her turn to buy us all a round of Guiness.

Load up the Lear-jet, and call the Belfast Hilton!

WM> 06. Two words: Army boots!

Five words: A boot to the head!

WM> 05. We were starting to lose our pale, green palor since she stopped
WM>     bombarding us with radiation.

Well, actually, it's been on auto-pilot...would I forget my friends?

WM> 04. While she's been away, we've been a BAD clown.

Get down on your orange and white striped knees and kiss my clown feet for
coming back...

WM> 03. Multiple Scotts! Multiple Brians! Multiple Stinkys!

O.K., whose been fooling around with the human duplicator while I was
gone?...damn kids...

WM> 02. She's the only person who can defeat the Anti-Holly, Kathie Lee!

Well, that and an AK47...

WM> And the number one reason we miss the evil Dr. Holly...
WM>
WM> 01. Ahhh, those refreshing butt-graft operations!

Oh, Will, I didn't know you cared!

( I missed you, too. )

 * Origin: (404) 869-3410 * 25+ Megs of MST3k Files *  (1:3616/20)
===========================================================================
Date: 06-03-94 (13:04)             Number: 445
From: SCOTT DAVIS
  To: WILL MORGAN
Subj: Krusher Kringle
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 WM> That's feasible...very believable...
 WM> HEY!?!? Why doesn't NASA plan a mission to Mars & rescue
 WM> Father Christmas, damnit?!?

Well... you asked...

TOP 10 REASONS NASA DOESN'T SEND A MISSION TO MARS TO RESCUE SANTA CLAUS:

10) Old Pitch won't let them.
 9) They don't have Gregory Peck and Harry O to plan to mission.
 8) They're afraid Santa would compete with their new NasaToys division.
 7) He refuses to come back (something about a better Union).
 6) It was either a rescue mission or the Hubble Telescope...
 5) Can't be done.  It's simply a matter of Payload to Fuel Ratios.
 6) They did (but it was all faked on a sound stage in Arizona).
 3) Two words. Elf. Revolt.
 2) The Head of NASA didn't get that bike he asked for when he was 10.

and... the number one reason is...

 1) He might make another movie!

 * Origin: (404) 869-3410 * 25+ Megs of MST3k Files *  (1:3616/20.0)
===========================================================================
Date: 06-07-94 (13:09)             Number: 422
From: SCOTT DAVIS
  To: WILL MORGAN
Subj: Beneath Planet of Top Ten      Conf: (13) MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Top 5 Indications that Will Morgan has no Life: <g>

 WM> TOP TEN REASONS WE MISS THE EVIL DR. HOLLY
 WM> TOP TEN SYMPTOMS OF BEING AN MST3K FANBOY
 WM> TOP TEN DEROGATORY MSTIE TERMS FOR PARAMOUNT HEAD, CASEY SILVER
 WM> TOP TEN REASONS WE WANT AN MST3K MOVIE
 WM> TOP TEN SIMILARITIES BETWEEN JOEL & MIKE

 * Origin: (404) 869-3410 * 25+ Megs of MST3k Files *  (1:3616/20.0)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                      SECTION 08: STAND BY YOUR MST3K!

Probably the only people who missed the recent mini-series based on Stephen
King's THE STAND were those who were dying of Captain Trips. It was a good
movie by TV standards but almost begged for MSTreatment. 
===========================================================================
Date: 05-23-94 (23:34)             Number: 1306
From: ROBERT PAYES                 Refer#: NONE
  To: ALL                           Recvd: NO  
Subj: Do The Stand!  (Dear)          Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
        Hot offa da Internet, we bring you a Stephen King miniseries,
done "Classic MST3K" style:

Newsgroups: alt.tv.mst3k
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)

CLOSING HOST SEGMENT FOR MSTED "THE STAND"
--------------------------------------------
THEATER DOORS CLOSE.

ZOOM OUT TO REVEAL JOEL, CROW, TOM SERVO WITH DULL, GLASSY-EYED STARES
('CEPT FOR TOM, OF COURSE).

CROW:  Well, that was......long.
SERVO: Yeah.  A whole lotta long.  Longfellow.  Longstreet.  Long
       day's journey into long.
CROW:  When this movie started, Gerald Ford was president.
JOEL:  Gerald...Ford?  President of what?
SERVO: Pep band.  Jeez, Joel.  How hard did Stephen King have to work to 
       make a big budget, network mini-series look as cheesy as Attack of
       the Eye Creatures?
JOEL:  Really, Tom, don't you think you're exaggerating a little.  We
       oughta find some good things and bad things about this week's
       experiment.  It'll cheer us up.
CROW:  OK, OK.  They used some good songs, like "Baby, Don't Fear the
       Reaper" and "Eve of Destruction" and that Disco tune.
JOEL:  And a bad thing?
SERVO: What, no ABBA?
CROW:  I, for one, admired the way millions of Americans suffered a
       painful, grotesque death, and then lingered on for months as rotten,
       decaying corpses...and that was just the audience!
JOEL:  Sometimes, friend, you can be so obvious.
SERVO: I have to say, Joel, I noticed a disturbing tendency in this
       film to throw women around like rag dolls.  For instance, Rob Lowe
       pushes that nympho down cuz she hates Pepto Bismol, and Larry
       Underwear knocks nutty Nadine to the ground...
CROW:  ...and don't forget Nadine's swan dive off the penthouse.
JOEL:  The good thing?
CROW:  They were going for accuracy, not distance.
JOEL:  Didn't you think the special effects were good?  The way the Dark 
       guy turned into a blob and then a goat thing with horns and a crow...
CROW:  Hey, leave me outta this!
SERVO: Yeah, he didn't do nothin'!
CROW:  Sure, Joel.  I love the way the hand of God reaches down and
       gets a firm grip on an erect A-bomb.  Let's just say that the Supreme
       Being is no longer The Master of His Domain, if you catch my drift.
JOEL:  Oh, you are BEGGING for a time-out, mister, and this one might
       last an eternity.
SERVO: If there was one believable thing in this movie, I'd have to
       say it was the character of Evil.  That Randall Flagg, with his
       crazy, whacked-out hair and a look of depravity lurking behind an
       insincere smile. There was one demonic mamma-jamma.
JOEL:  I hear you, Tommy.  What do you think sirs?

CUT TO DEEP 13.  CLOSE-UP OF DR. FORRESTER, WITH CRAZY, WHACKED-OUT HAIR AND 
LOOK OF DEPRAVITY LURKING BEHIND HIS INSINCERE SMILE.  HE DOES A SLOW BURN.

DR. F: Now don't go making fun of the Flaggs, who are, as you
       know, a branch of the Forrester family (through some kind of
       interbreeding experiment that goes back many, many generations).  In
       fact, while Randall has made quite a name for himself in Unregenerate
       Evil, it's really his sister Fanny who's the shining star in that
       department.  And if you've read "Fried Green Tomatoes" you know just
       what I'm talking about. Well, Joely, until next time...Frank! Frank, 
       get in here and push the button!
FRANK: [Enters, hairless & scaley, a la Trash Can man] MY LIFE FOR YOOOOOOU!!
Dr. F: (oh my!)

CUT TO BLACK.

* Origin: THE BOSS  Tenafly, NJ  201-568-7293  (1:2604/301)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                       SECTION 09: RADIO FREE MST3K!

Talk about luck! Get a load of the following tantalizing little teaser that
fluttered across the echo recently. I'm too envious & depressed to even come
up with some pithy remark. (Hope we can get a tape of the interview!)
===========================================================================
Date: 05-23-94 (14:24)             Number: 1158
From: KRIS EDWARDS                 Refer#: NONE
  To: ALL                           Recvd: NO  
Subj: Interview                      Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Greetings fellow MSTies!

   My dream has finally come true!  Tomorrow (5/24/94) we (the guys on the
morning show at WOKI in Knoxville, TN) get to interview Kevin Murphy, and
Trace Beaulieu (Tom Servo and Crow for all you lower level life forms that
didn't know <G>)!!

   The reason I'm posting this is not to brag, (well, just a little) but for
those of you who have satellite dishes, you can listen to the interview..We 
are on G3 transponder 15.. (the format is country, so don't be shocked when
you hear Garth Brooks, Clint Black, etc..)

The interview will take place tomorrow at 11:00am E.S.T, but the show is over
at 10:00 E.S.T.  Therefore, the interview will not air until Wednesday (most
likely between 8 and 10am (EST)..

Ok, if you would like, you may call the radio station tomorrow (Tuesday)
before 10am, and pass along any questions that you would like answered
"straight from the horses mouth".. Unfortunately, I can't allow you to speak
to either of them because our phone equipment can't conference, but I would be
happy to post the replies in a transcript to you if you call with a good
question..

Here is the number...  (615) 656-0100

IF YOU DON'T CALL, YOU MAY NEVER KNOW......


Kris Edwards
SysOp, The Gate
Fido 1:3615/71
Rgsnet 50:160/4

P.S.  If you call in regards to Joel, he is gone forever..  No chance in hell
     you'll ever see his face or silhouette on MST3K as of now (at least
     that's what they told me)..

* Origin: The Gate * Knoxville, TN * (615)694-9613 * 14.4  (1:3615 (1:3615/71)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                      SECTION 10: LET'S GO SUFFERING!

Get us, we're Beach Boys! And June's a great month to be a Beach Boy! My evil
twin, Brian Hammack (wasn't 'Brian' the brain-dead Beach Boy? <G>) helped me
out with the lyrics to a positively summerific song we cruned to Dr. Holly!
===========================================================================
Date: 05-25-94 (09:47)             Number: 13
From: WILL MORGAN                  Refer#: 480
  To: HOLLY MCKINNEY
Subj: Knobslobbre...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
HM>WM> AR>So if Holly is evil (and she IS evil), does that mean that the
HM>WM> AR>Anti-Holly is just unbearably nice?
HM>WM>
HM>WM> Pssst....Two words...KATHIE LEE...

HM>Psssst....Two words...SUF...FERING...:)

Dr. Holly sings:

Let's go suffering now!
Everybody suffer, and HOW!
C'mon won't you suffer & bleed?

If everybody had a butt-graft...
Across the USA...
They'd all be suffering!
There'd be hell to pay!
===========================================================================
Date: 05-25-94 (01:13)             Number: 1454
From: BRIAN HAMMACK                Refer#: NONE
  To: WILL MORGAN                   Recvd: YES 
Subj: SUFFERING USA                  Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
<< chorus >>

Come on baby, can't you see how
Everybody's gonna suffer with me, come along
now baby, you can't flee cuz
Everybody's gone suffering you see, now
 Let's go suffering now!
 Everybody suffer, and HOW!
 C'mon won't you suffer & bleed?

Give everybody a deep butt-graft
From here to Katmandu...
Then everyone'd be in real great pain
It's what Holly'll do!

(chorus until you pass out from blood loss)

* Origin: Total Access News & Info Sys, Tacoma, WA  206-472-9884 (1:138/103)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                   SECTION 11: COMEDY CENTRAL UNDER SIEGE

We should be so lucky, huh? Itchy & Scratchy Show BBS Sysop Mark Holtz jotted
down the fantasy of every MSTie who's ever been aggravated by a Penn Gillette
voice over, or an unfunny News Bites scroll, or a blatant advertising scroll,
or a...or a...You get the picture!
===========================================================================
Date: 05-24-94 (22:30)             Number: 1308
From: MARK HOLTZ                   Refer#: NONE
  To: TONY TRUJILLO                 Recvd: NO  
Subj: The Rules                      Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
According to Ziggy, you leaped into Tony Trujillo and said to All...
TT> MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000:  THE ECHO
TT> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

TT> Welcome to the MST3K echo. My name is Tony Trujillo and I'll
TT> be acting as the Moderator for our discussions on MYSTERY
TT> SCIENCE THEATER 3000 as well as bad SF/FANTASY/just plain strange
TT> or silly movies/television in general. Talk about other Comedy Central
TT> programming is welcome as well.

We interrupt this rules posting for a special bulletin.........

Comedy Central under Siege!!!!!!

We switch live to New York where our reporter Joel Richardson is standing by:

Joel:  Uh, we are here in New York where it appears that the Giant Gila 
       Monster is attacking the Comedy Central busy. We have the chief of 
       police here, chief, what does it appear that the Gila Monster wants, 
       and what you are going to do about it.
Chief: It appears that the Gila Monster wants Penn Jillette. The path that 
       the Gila Monster is taking have been marked with crushed unopened Zima 
       bottles.
Joel:  And, why would the Gila monster want Jillette?
Chief: Ever watch Comedy Central?
Joel:  We understand perfectly. Back to you.

Stay tuned for further announcements. And now, a message from Jolly Rancher.

* Origin: The Itchy & Scratchy Show (916) 721-1701 (1:203/1701.0)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                        SECTION 12: FRENCH BASHING!

The French, they are a funny race. NOT! They're a bunch of rude, snail-eating
Jerry Lewis-loving, frogs! Uh, er...'Cept for those Frenchies that can read 
English & might have happened onto this issue of the RN9R (way ta'swerve!). 
And this doesn't mean we have any ill-feelings toward the French speaking 
neighbors to the North. Just those guys over there in Europe. Tim Josephson 
gives us yet another reason to bash 'em...
===========================================================================
Date: 05-26-94 (14:46)             Number: 483
From: TIM JOSEPHSON
  To: ALL
Subj: Another Parody!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay, one afternoon I was bored, and after a tough day in French, I wrote
this...(actually, my French teacher HATES me, so this is more out of fear and
spite...>:)

"Mysterious French Lessons 3000" to the tune of "Mystery Science Theater 3000"

In the not too distant future
8:26 A.M.
Just a normal French-hating kid
I think his name was Tim

He went to South Windsor High School
A slacker when there were French rules
In all of his classes he was getting straight A's
But his French teacher flunked him and she shot him into space

I'll send him French-filled lessons
The worst I can find (non non non)
He'll have to sit and learn them all
French will ooze from his mind

Now keep in mind Tim can't control
When the lessons start or stop
Because he used those English parts
To make American 'bots

ROBOT ROLL CALL

Cambot!   (Frenchies beware!)
Gypsy     (Not again!)
Tom Servo (Merde alors!)
Crooooow! (Parlez THIS!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes, and other science facts,
Remember this ain't science, pal, just a really long French class!

It's Mysterious French Lessons 3000....

<twang!>

what do you think, sirs?

 * Origin: Double Trouble BBS - Vernon, Ct. - (203) 870-4682 (1:142/682)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                      SECTION 13: MST3K JULY SCHEDULE

By the time you read this, it'll almost be July and you know what that means,
don't you?!? Yepper! The new MST3K season starts! Tentative date July 16th!
Oh, and two other things of note: [1] July 15th & 18th, the Mystery Science
Theater Hour will be showing the "LOST EPISODE", MSTH#505...This, to my
knowledge, has NEVER been shown in the six plus months of the MSTH. Get it!
and [2] this may be the last chance to get unedited copies of Season 2 & 3!
=============================================================================
"New Fall Season in July" time again folks.

New two hour episodes will be shown Saturdays at 7pm, Sundays at 10am,
and Mondays at 12midnight.  Seasons two and three (sans "Catalina Caper")
will run Tuesday thru Friday at 12midnight throughout July and August.

[Note: The two and three seasons run 97 minutes and will 'run over' the
 two hour time slot.  CC may start them 5 min early or they may run 5
 min late so be prepared, as this may be the last time they're run in
 their original length.]

(All times Eastern/Pacific)

MST3K Hour:  (same show at 9:00am and 4:00pm)
[Note:  The hour episodes have up to seven minutes of show removed.]

7/1   -         No MST3K Hour  (Canada Day stunt)
7/4   -         No MST3K Hour  (Joy of Sketch stunt)
7/5   -  [420]  Human Duplicators/2
7/6   -  [422]  The Day the Earth Froze/1
7/7   -         The Day the Earth Froze/2
7/8   -  [424]  Manos, the Hands of Fate/1
7/11  -         Manos, the Hands of Fate/2
7/12  -  [504]  Secret Agent, Super Dragon/1
7/13  -         Secret Agent, Super Dragon/2
7/14  -         No MST3K Hour  (A Very Jerry (Lewis) Bastille Day stunt)
7/15  -  [505]  The Magic Voyage of Sinbad/1
7/18  -         The Magic Voyage of Sinbad/2
7/19  -  [507]  I Accuse My Parents/1
7/20  -         I Accuse My Parents/2
7/21  -  [301]  Cave Dwellers/1
7/22  -         Cave Dwellers/2
7/25  -  [302]  Gamera/1
7/26  -         Gamera/2
7/27  -  [303]  Pod People/1
7/28  -         Pod People/2
7/29  -  [306]  Time of the Apes/1

Two hour shows:  (Midnight [2400 hours], unless otherwise noted.)

7/1   -  [407]  The Killer Shrews
7/2   -         No MST3K  (Joy of Sketch)
7/3   -         ditto
7/4   -         ah, one more time.
7/5   -  [201]  Rocketship X-M
7/6   -  [202]  The Sidehackers
7/7   -  [203]  Jungle Goddess
7/8   -  [205]  Rocket Attack U.S.A.
                (Hmm... does "Catalina Caper" have 'rights' problems?)
7/9   -  [412]  Hercules & the Captive Women  ( 7:00pm)
7/10  -  [413]  Manhunt in Space              (10:00am)
7/11  -  [206]  Ring of Terror
7/12  -  [207]  The Wild Rebels
7/13  -  [208]  The Lost Continent
7/14  -  [209]  The Hellcats
7/15  -  [210]  King Dinosaur
7/16  -  [601]  Girls Town  *NEW*             ( 7:00pm)
7/17  -         Girls Town (repeated)         (10:00am)
7/18  -         Girls Town (repeated)
7/19  -  [211]  First Spaceship on Venus
7/20  -  [212]  Godzilla vs. Megalon
7/21  -  [213]  Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
7/22  -  [301]  Cave Dwellers
7/23  -  [602]  Invasion USA  *NEW*           ( 7:00pm) (_not_ Chuck Norris)
7/24  -         Invasion USA (repeated)       (10:00am)
7/25  -         Invasion USA (repeated)
7/26  -  [302]  Gamera
7/27  -  [303]  Pod People
7/28  -  [304]  Gamera vs. Barugon
7/29  -  [305]  Stranded in Space
7/30  -  [603]  The Dead Talk Back  *NEW*     ( 7:00pm)
7/31  -         The Dead Talk Back (repeated) (10:00am)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                     
                    SECTION 14: REN FEST PUNCHING BAGS!

Huzzah my butt, you satin-suited Tolkien reading loser! Bite me, Frodo! 
The inimitable reactions of most MSTies to Ren Fest weasels. Fido MST3K echo
moderator Tony T. brought us this transcript of the Mads' Ren Fest punching
bag experiment exchange.
===========================================================================
Date: 06-05-94 (05:59)             Number: 476
From: TONY TRUJILLO
  To: ALL
Subj: RenFest
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's that time of year again when your favorite
expensive festival rolls around. Everytime I
see those commercials on television for it I'm
reminded of a skit from MST3K:


This is the mad scientists' invention from "The Giant Gila Monster".

Dr. F: "The punching bag has always had a sound principal behind
        it. Frank?"
Frank: "Yes, that's it fun to beat Boffo the clown savagely and
        repeatedly 'till Boffo's bleading from the ear, but
        then... alas, the thrill is gone. The fire goes out of
        your belly. You need something new to stimulate your
        imagination."
Dr. F: "That's right. That's why we've invented these hateful
        punching bags with images of characters from the Renaissance
        Festival. For instance, there's the Rat Catcher".
Dr. F with Ren Fest accent: "Excuse me sir, is that your head
        or did your neck throw up?"
Frank punches him across the room and says: "Oh bite me Frodo!".
Dr. F: "And there's the ever-popular Leather Mug Maker".
Dr. F in accent: "Please sir, sample my wares."
Frank: "Sample my FIST you community theater reject!" and punches
        him across the room.
Dr. F: "Lovable Harlequin!"
Dr. F in Harleguin accent(?): "I am Harlequin!"
Frank: "I am your worst nightmare!" beats Harlequin.
       "Twenty-three dollars to get in! Huzzah my butt, you
        satin-suited Tolkien reading loser!" Frank beats and kicks
        him some more.
Dr. F: "That's enough Frank."
Frank then runs around the room beating and jumping on the
punching bag as Dr. F tells Joel about the experiment.

 * Origin: Home of the MST3K echo (1:280/9)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                         SECTION 15: CON SUGGESTIONS

Good planning. Nothing beats good planning. Except strong, cheap liquor and
well oiled concubines. Oh, and the Taco Bel Grande at Taco Bell, it's really
worth the price. Uh, let's just let Larry Trujillo do all the planning since 
he was the busy-body who came up with the idea, anyhoo.
===========================================================================
Date: 06-09-94 (14:59)             Number: 373
From: LARRY TRUJILLO
  To: NOT QUITE ALL
Subj: ConventioCon
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an itty-bitty reminder to all of those attending the ConventioCon-Expo-
Fest-A-Rama...You have just over three months until the big day comes.  Some
other things you may wish to consider...

1. The Costume Ball--have we all decided what we'll be wearing yet?  I thought
I'd ask if I should go with the old Michael Feinstein pseudo-tuxedo again. The
main reason being that I lack the creativity to come up with a new costume.
However, this being their first convention dedicated solely to them, I figure
it's a black-tie event.

2. Getting Together--The plan is, and it's extremely likely to remain this
way, for Tony, Troy (a friend of mine who doesn't frequent the echo), and I
will arrive in Bloomington on Sep. 14th.  We'll stay at the Days Inn across
the highway (or interstate, whatever) from the Radisson for two nights and
then pack up and move to the big R for the two days of the convention and then
leave on Sunday the 18th.  If we are to get together, we should start planning
now.  Brian, if you're reading, has anyone said anything about a MSTieWeeners
get-together?  I thought about writing everybody, but I wasn't sure if that
would help.  At first, I thought we could have it at Debbie's house.  But
after having all those people there the first time, she might not be so
receptive to that idea.

--Larry Trujillo
  Coming to a convention near you...

 * Origin: Home of the MST3K echo (1:280/9)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                           SECTION 16: ECHO SHIRTS

The response was phenominal! Looks like the well-dressed MSTie will be
wearing a Fidonet MST3K Echo T-Shirt! (And army boots, if you're an evil,
unnamed doctor-type person)...
===========================================================================
Date: 05-31-94 (23:59)             Number: 474
From: TONY TRUJILLO
  To: ALL
Subj: Shirts Update
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is the current list of folks who have requested shirts.
If you see something wrong please let me know:

NAME OF THE REQUESTOR   SIZE    QUANTITY
---------------------   ----    --------
Tony Trujillo           XXXL        2
Larry Trujillo          XL          1
Holly Mac               XL          1
Alan Grimes             XL          1
Paulk Nebeling          L           1
Johnny Amburn           L           2
Scott Reynolds          XL          1
Troy H. Cheek           XL          1
                        L           1
Dan Pennington          M           1
Wes Landaker            L-XL        6
David Churn             L           1
                        XL          1
                        S           2
Brian Henry             XXXL        1
Chris Smotherman        XL          1
Brian Hammack           XL          1
Patrick Crocker         XL          1
Will Morgan             XL          1
Gary Ryno               XXL         1
Matthew Androlowicz     XXL         1
Tim Josephson           XXXL        1
Johnny Burkheart        L           1
Pat Gomes               XL          1
Mark Dezelon            XL          1
Eric Szulczewski        L           1
Tammi Thompson          XL          2
Steve Sullivan          XXXL        1
Steve Quarrella         XL          2

... MST3K: THE FIDONET ECHO   "Oh byte me, it's fun!"
 * Origin: Home of the MST3K echo (1:280/9)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                         SECTION 17: SEASON SIX UPDATE

Slowly, surely, the information on the upcoming MST3K season is filtering
out to the rabid MSTies. Here's a two part update on the schedule and movie
contents by Mr. Pearce & Mr. Henry. Thanks, guys!
===========================================================================
Date: 06-06-94 (18:02)             Number: 424
From: MIKE PEARCE
  To: ALL
Subj: Season Six (so far)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
601 - Girls Town (1959 MGM (B&W))                      (scheduled for 7/16)
602 - Invasion U.S.A (1953 Columbia (B&W))             (scheduled for 7/23)
      (Short:  Date With Your Family)
603 - The Dead Talk Back (no info)                     (scheduled for 7/30)
      (Short:  Selling Wizard)
604 - Zombie Nightmare (1986)
605 - Colossus and the Headhunters (1960)
606 - Creeping Terror (1964 Crown International (B&W))
607 - Blood Lust (198?)
      (Short:  Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm)
608 - Code Name: Diamond Head (1977 - Made for TV)
      (Short:  A Day at the Fair)
609 - The Skydivers (1963 Crown International (B&W))
      (Short:  Why Industrial Arts?)
610 - The Violent Years  (1956 (B&W))
      (Short:  Keeping Clean)
611 - The Starfighters (1963)
612 - Last of the Wild Horses (1949 (B&W))
613 - The Sinister Urge (1959) (B&W))
614 - San Francisco International (1970 - Made for TV)
615 - Kitten With a Whip (1964 (B&W))
616 - Racket Girls (no info)

(Originally , 610 was scheduled to be Beyond the Bermuda Triangle (1975 - Made
 for  TV) with a short 'Keeping Clean'.  It's now been rescheduled as
show 623, i'm not sure if the short stays here or goes to 'The Violent Years'.

 * Origin:  (1:109/70.971)
===========================================================================
Date: 06-08-94 (15:55)             Number: 437
From: BRIAN HENRY
  To: ALL
Subj: Season 6 Update 1/2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
PREVIEW OF MST3000 SEASON SIX - FIRST 16 EPISODES (plus one) - note that,
as usual, this is tentative and subject to revision, errors and tiepoes

601 - GIRLS TOWN (1959)  Formula reform school musical with Mamie Van
Doren (who starred in 112-Untamed Youth), Mel Torme, Paul Anka, Elinor
Donahue (Princess in Father Knows Best, also in an original Star Trek
episode), Dick Contino (star of  307-Daddy-O), Jim Mitchum, Harold Lloyd,
Jr., Charles Chaplin, Jr.

602 - INVASION U.S.A. (1952) - (short: A DATE WITH YOUR FAMILY)
typical Red-scare 50s movie with lots of stock footage; cast notable only
in that it stars both women who played Lois Lane--->Noel Neill and Phyllis
Coates. Also features Gerald Mohr, Dan O'Herlihy, Peggie Castle (of
517-Beginning of the End), Tom Kennedy, Edward G. Robinson, Jr.  Produced
by Albert Zugsmith (who also did Girls Town).  Directed by former Warner
Bros. director of 1930s Bette Davis films:  Alfred E. Green.  Music by the
famed Albert Glasser.

603 - THE DEAD TALK BACK - short: SELLING WIZARD
no info available

604 - ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE (1986) is bound to be our nightmare too; stars Adam
West and features lots of heavy metal music by Jon Mikl Thor; pass the
earplugs.

605 - COLOSSUS AND THE HEADHUNTERS (1960) stars Kirk Morris and Laura
Brown; no other info available

606 - THE CREEPING TERROR (1964) is a film which Michael Weldon describes
as one of the five worst films ever made; giant carpet-like aliens absorb
humans with their tennis shoes visible at times (a la Eye Creatures);
narration is used heavily as the sound was so poorly done (another book
states that the soundtrack was actually lost in Lake Tahoe!); features
Shannon O'Neill and Vic "Ooo, you're such a" Savage (who is really the
director Art Nelson).

607 - BLOODLUST (1961) - (short: UNCLE JIM'S DAIRY FARM -more teat jokes!)

Hey, they stole the plot of The Most Dangerous Game!  With Wilton Graff,
Robert "Mike Brady" Reed, June Kenney (from 313-Earth Vs The Spider and
317-Viking Women).

608 - CODE NAME: DIAMOND HEAD (1977) - (short:  A DAY AT THE FAIR)
Made-for-TV spy thriller set in Hawaii, stars Roy "nice skull" Thinnes
(The Invaders, General Hospital, & now in One Live To Live) and France
Nuyen (Star Trek's Elaan of Troy).

609 - THE SKY DIVERS (1963) - (short:  WHY THE INDUSTRIAL ARTS?)
Rich girl who wants to sabotage a sky-diving school, during
pseudo-rock-n-roll music interludes.  Producer Anthony Cardoza is also the
star of the film.

610 - THE VIOLENT YEARS (1956) - (short: KEEPING CLEAN)
Ed Wood, Jr. (director of Plan 9 From Outer Space, Bride of the Monster)
penned the script of this lurid bad girl teen gang drama.  The "heroine"
hosts a co-ed heavy petting pajama party, kills a cop, rapes a guy, and
dies having an illegitimate baby in prison.  Not the typical teen flick of
its day. Catch phrase to everything is "So what?"  Stars Jean Moorehead,
Barbara Weeks, Arthur Millan, Joanne Cangi, Gloria Farr...in other words, no 
one!  Wait, Glenn Corbett (of 305-Stranded in Space) is in it too.  So what?

611 - STARFIGHTER - no info available; perhaps Fugitive Alien III?

612 - LAST OF THE WILD HORSES (1949) - Western starring James Ellison and
Mary Beth Hughes (I Accuse My Parents).

613 - THE SINISTER URGE (1959) - No, this urge is not to LOL when you
watch one of Ed Wood's movies.  It's the urge which a young man supposedly
gets after looking at smutty pictures...the urge to kill!!  Typical
exploitation movie ploy:  denounce something by showing its evils, but
actually let the audience relish in the forbidden, in this case, glimpses
of flesh.  The smut film's director says, "I used to make good films,"
with posters of Wood's previous films in the background.  Sad, Tor not in
dis moovie...but Wood himself has a cameo in a fight scene.  "Too hot" to
release until 1961.

614 - SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL (1970) TV movie, starring Van Johnson,
Pernell "Bonanza" Roberts, Clu Gulager, Tab "One Calorie" Hunter and David
Hartman, is about the troubles in running a major airport.  Series pilot
for the show of the same name which ran with three others in NBC's "Four
in One" (precursor of the NBC Mystery Movie);  the others were Night
Gallery, The Psychiatrist and McCloud!  Lloyd Bridges replaced Roberts in
the series.  By that time, my planes were aching for air.

615 - KITTEN WITH A WHIP (1964)  Ann-Margret's second film (right after
Bye Bye Birdie, luved her in Tommy & Grumpy Old Men) shocked her fans
already used to her clean image.  In this flick, she's a rowdy juvenile
delinquent messing with some square dude's mind, namely that of John
"Dynasty" Forsythe, endangering his political career.

616 - RACKET GIRLS - no info available

617-622   to be announced

623 - BEYOND THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE (1975) TV movie which stars Fred "My
Three Sons" MacMurray, Donna "Knots Landing" Mills, Dana Plato
(pre-Diffrent Strokes and pre-shoplifting); guess where Fred goes looking
for his missing family?

My thanks to Daddy-O on AOL for posting this info.

 * Origin: Home of the MST3K echo (1:280/9)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                   SECTION 18: BIG, DUMB JAPANESE MONSTERS!

I grabbed this checklist off the Television echo (before the thread got an
echo warning from the moderator!) and figured ANY MSTie worth their salt 
would find it interesting. I also invited a couple of these Japanese monster
experts to watch MST3K & drop by the Fido MST3K Echo...
=============================================================================
Message #486   [Talkin About TV!]
From: Frank Evans                                      
To  : All
Subj: Re:Godzilla questions

Gamera appeared in one Godzilla movie, I believe. "Destroy all Monstors"
or something like that. I was only 4 when I saw it. Here are a few other
friends and foe of Godzilla.

Rodan - big pteradactly looking thing.
Gigan - big beak, one eye, sythe-like hands (kind of bug looking)
Megalon - Gigan's pal. More bug-looking. Has drills for hands
JetJaguar - Little friendly robot that grows into giant friendly robot.
Mothera - worm or Moth phazes
Ghidora - three headed mofo. Teamed up with Gigan once.
Angila - Lizard with porcupine shell. Godzilla's friend.
Spega - Giant Spider.
Also, he fought three giant preying mantis (Moe, Larry, and Curley?)
A giant lobster (affectionatly called "the seamonster")
MechaGodzilla - Metallic Rocket launching reptillian replica.
KingSesaur -dog's face,big floppy dog ears. Helped fight mechagodzilla
Smog-monster - big assymetrical floating sludge.
Son of Godzilla - Goofy, embarrasing son. Had a name??
Gabora - Beat the crap out of son.

And of course King Kong. Who beat Godzilla in USA version, but lost
in the Japanese version.

I'm sure I've mispelled a few, and forgotten even more...

 * Origin: Dark Knight's BBS! (1:383/25.0)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                         SECTION 19: MST3K IN E.W.!

Anyone who is a member of the Info Club who received the green postcard from 
BBI asking for help (and those who weren't members or didn't get the card) 
will probably find the following a bit sad. And this just in: Casey Silver
nudges Penn Gillette out of the top spot in the "MSTie Most Hated List"!
=============================================================================
Here's a small article in the June 10th Entertainment Weekly 
"FLASHES" column:

LOST IN SPACE: Crow T. Robot, Gypsy & Tom Servo can hold off on 
buying new tuxedos for the Oscars. The mechanical stars of Comedy
Central's MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 -- which has made mocking
very, very bad movies a national pastime -- were set to star in a
big-screen version of their cult-hit series when Universal Pictures
jettisoned the deal. "It's like getting asked to the prom," says
Tom Servo (a.k.a. Kevin Murphy), "and then at the last minute they
say, 'You can't go.'" Naturally, the MST3K gang aren't taking the
rebuff lying down. The show's electronic fan clubs have been writing
letters of protest to Casey Silver, Universal's president of world
wide production. So far, at least 2000 missives have been delivered.
Why did the studio back out? Silver couldn't be reached for comment
and a spokesman at Universal's publicity office would only offer,
"Some movies get made, some don't" -- Daneet Steffens

A picture of Crow T. Robot accompanied the small article with this
caption -- "MST UNPLUGGED: Crow"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                      SECTION 20: MST3K RED CROSS PSA!

Now I *KNOW* I wasn't hallucinating when I saw this commercial! I've got 
another witness to corroborate my testimony! Turns out they show these dudes
during EVERY airing of MST3K or the MSTH. I finally caught 'em both & added
transcripts after the announcements!
============================================================================
Date: 06-05-94 (00:00)             Number: 0U812
From: RADIO'S WILL
  To: All
Subj: MST3K Red Cross
============================================================================
Did anyone see the MST3K RED CROSS Public Service Announcement on 
Comedy Central?!? It aired Sunday (June 5th) during the commercial
break right before the Invention Exchanges. It was "film" not "video
tape" and featured Tom Servo in the foreground doing the voice over
while Mike, Crow & Gypsy run around wildly in the background. Mike
and Crow sported firehats & Mike was swinging a fire axe wildly.
Tom was saying something about disasters & how the Red Cross helped
people. Unfortunately, I didn't have a tape handy & couldn't get a
copy of it...
===========================================================================
Date: 06-05-94 (21:12)             Number: 484
From: TIM JOSEPHSON
  To: ALL
Subj: American Red Cross
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Has anyone seen these American Red Cross commercials? I haven't but my sister
(who is also a devout MSTie) said she saw two during Saturday (6/4) night's
episode, "Secret Agent Super Dragon." One was where Gypsy is standing alone,
then all of a sudden the screen rocks and she begins spinning around (I am NOT
making this up!) and Mike and Crow run on screaming about how they've been hit
by a meteorite, and Tom Servo calmly walks on and talks in a calm, almost
sadistically happy tone of voice about the Red Cross and stuff. In the other
one, they are in the theater watching Medical films and making jokes or
something. She said she couldn't stop laughing...too bad my (*^&#@$*& VCR
screwed up and didn't start taping when I set it to...:(

BTW she said that this season, Mike's jumpsuit is blue. A pleasant change. :)

 * Origin: Double Trouble BBS - Vernon, Ct. - (203) 870-4682 (1:142/682)
=============================================================================                             
                             AMERICAN RED CROSS 
                        PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS
                    (Commercials during MST3K Episodes)

                       SATELLITE OF LOVE'S BEEN HIT!

(On the bridge of the S.O.L., Gypsy is screaming uncontrollably, the
 lights are flashing, deafening sounds of something impacting the ship!)

Mike: (Rushes in) We've been hit!!! We've been hit!!!
Crow: (Wearing fire helmet) We're going down!!!
Tom:  (Pops up in front of the counter, cheerfully) Hi! Tom Servo, here!
      (Mike is now wearing a small fire helmet & swinging a fire axe)...
      Say, you know when the Satellite of Love collides with a meteor, it's
      all in the name of good natured fun. But down on earth, whether it's
      a hurricane, flood or meteor collision (Red Cross Logo) The American
      Red Crwoss is here to help. So, contact your local Red Cross & find
      out how YOU can help out in your community...Comedy Central & the
      American Red Cross (CC & Red Cross Logo)...
All:  (Facing camera, reciting woodenly) THE WAY WE HELP EACH OTHER...
      (Everyone panics & screams & runs around wildly...)
Tom:  Ahhhhhh! Mommy! Mommy!
=============================================================================
                          AMERICAN RED CROSS NEWS

(In the theater...Scenes from an old Red Cross newsreel...Mike, Tom & Crow
 use voices similar to the ones you'd hear in an actual 30s-40s newsreel...)

Mike: (Onscreen: "Red Cross News") Mystery Science Theater 3000 presents
      the Red Cross News!
Crow: In times of trouble (Onscreen: war scenes), natural disaster
      (Onscreen: flood scenes), and deep personal stupidity (Onscreen:
      man falls down stairs), the American Red Cross is there!
      (Onscreen: Red Cross workers)...
Tom:  With a warm cup of help (Onscreen: coffee cups), valuable life
      saving techniques (Onscreen: girls in swimsuits lying on benches,
      kicking their legs), and Shirley Temple! (Onscreen: Shirley Temple 
      in a white Red Cross nurses outfit)...
Mike: So do your part, contact your local Red Cross (Onscreen: Red Cross
      lady talking on a phone)...
Crow: Like a big white lady, hovering over the earth (Onscreen: EXACTLY
      WHAT CROW DESCRIBED!!) Comedy Central & the American Red Cross...
All:  (Onscreen: "Red Cross News") THE WAY WE HELP EACH OTHER!
      (Onscreen: Red Cross & Comedy Central logo)...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                    SECTION 21: SUPER IDEA FOR SUPER NES!

Chris Kesse sent out a nifty idea for a MST3K game for the Super NES. If it
becomes a reality, I sure hope they port it over to the IBM/Clones!
===========================================================================
Date: 05-19-94 (18:45)             Number: 935
From: CHRIS KESSE                  Refer#: NONE
  To: ALL MST3K & SNES FANS         Recvd: NO  
Subj: Let's Try To Get An MST3K      Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I called up Nintendo last night and suggested the idea and the guy I talked to
said he thought it was a great idea and if alot of people suggested it, someone
might consider it. My idea was: Dr. Forrester & TV's Frank are coming up with
some evil plan and Joel (or Mike) and the 'bots must try to stop them. To make
sure they don't interfere, Dr. F has invented a machine to warp them into a
bunch of bad movies where you must face the characters from those movies
(Imagine going up against Mitchell or Gamera! <G>) Each level would have the
look and feel of the movie it's from (Black & White, Faded Colors, Fake-Looking
Backgrounds and Bad Special Effects) The final showdown takes place inside Deep
13 and of course the "Love Theme From MST3K" would have to be there somewhere
and it would have alot of inside jokes for fans of the show (They could even
have Jack Perkins for the MST Hour! <G>) Let me know what you think of this idea
and if you like it, call Nintendo's Customer Service Dept. at 1-800-255-3700 and
tell them you want a MST3K game on the SNES! Anyone who has a nationwide
information service like Compuserve or Prodigy, kindly spread this idea to those
systems if you like it. Let's all join together and get a game based on the
funniest TV show of all time!

* Origin: The Listening Post, Cincinnati (513)474-3719 (1:108/240)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                           SECTION 22: AND MORE!

Echo Moderator Tony T. made the mistake of asking a silly question. I gave
him a lesson on just how low dufuses like me will sink for a joke...
===========================================================================
Date: 05-14-94 (18:56)             Number: 13
From: WILL MORGAN                  Refer#: 480
  To: TONY TRUJILLO
Subj: Re: MST3K CD
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
TT> JA>      Janitor Song
TT> JA>      My Wild Irish Ireland
TT> JA>      Nummymuffincooklebutter
TT> JA>      Tubular Boobular Joy
TT> JA>      Kim Cattrall
TT> JA>      Endless Frank
TT> JA>      and more

TT>What I want to know what is AND MORE! :^)

AND MORE (Season Six from: MANOS II: THE HERECTIC)
(Uptempto show tune, all wearing hats, Crow's is the grandest of all)

Mike: And more!
Bots: And more!!!
Mike: More?
Bots: Yes, please!
All:  And more! A whole lot more! Quite a bit more!
Crow: Mary Tyler...
Tom:  And more!
Mike: More! More! More!
Bots: Commercials on CC?
Mike: NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE!
Crow: (speaking) Settle down, fella. We've got Commercial Sign!
Mike: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom:  We'll be back after we hose Mike off, folks...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                      SECTION 23: WE GOT NEWBIE SIGN!

MSTifying echo messages is an art form perfected by TV's Scott Davis, but
unfortunately, he didn't copyright the procedure! In fact, there were so
many MSTreated Echo messages this month, this section features SEVERAL recent
predators & victims...(Two by Brian Hammack & one by Eric Wilson)! If they 
keep this up, I may be able to make it a regular monthly feature!
============================================================================
Date: 05-21-94 (09:48)             Number: 1095
From: BRIAN HAMMACK                Refer#: NONE
  To: MARK DEZELON                  Recvd: NO  
Subj: WE'VE GOT NEWBIE SIGN!         Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
MD> Hello, all members of the MST3K Echo!  I've been reading this Echo

ALL:  Hello, Mark!

MD> since the middle of March, and I've been sending messages.

HOLLY:  Promises, promises!

MD> Unfortunately, there was a problem with the message system, and
MD> they weren't coming through.

WILL:  Monkey spanking is not an exact science.
MUSH:  I was gonna say that...

MD> But now it's fixed and I an send messages to other people successfully

TONY:  So you got a wire rack?

MD> MST3K is my favorite show.  I've watched it since Turkey Day of '92.

ALL:  Seen it.

MD> I still wish Joel was on the show, but I like Mike, too.

LARRY:  I like Mike, entertaining, fascinating...

MD> I usually don't like change, anyways.  I'll give Mike another year
MD> before I decide who I prefer to be better.

SHANE:  Gee, so will Comedy Central!

MD> A couple questions:

SCOTT:  Aww, will there be a quiz?

MD> 1) What does ROTFL stand for?  I have no clue.

MUSH:  Neither does Comedy Central.
WILL:  I was gonna say that...
LARRY:  Rolling On The Floor Laughing.  It's what we do around here.

MD> 2) What does KTMA stand for?

BRIAN:  Jim Mallon's sense of humor, obviously.  No, really, it's the
        TV station in Minnesota where MST3k came from.  Unlike KTLA.

MD> And a comment about the Cambot Crisis:

TONY:  Starring Jane Fonda!

MD> How did the Cambot in episodes 200 to 512 manage to appear in the
MD> opening credits?

WILL:  Drowsy.
MUSH:  No, that was Joel!
HOLLY:  Inverted.  Mirror image.  Reflected by SCIENCE!

MD> In my opinion, Joel (or Gypsy) programmed the
MD> Rocket Number Nine to take the picture of Cambot through a
MD> porthole of the ship.  And comments?

LARRY:  How did I come to be known as Stinky, the Fish Boy?
SCOTT:  Don't eat yellow snow.  It's NOT a Lemon Shave Ice.
SHANE:  I'm wearing a push-up bra.  Now I'm pleasing.
HOLLY:  Give that back this minute!!!
WILL:   I'm not Brian Hammack.
BRIAN:  I'm not Brian Hammack.
MUSH:   I'm not Brian Hammack, but I play him on TV.
TONY:   And welcome to "What's My Line?"

MD> Well, I've just finished my first successful post.  Cool.

TONY:  It's Zima time!  Welcome to the echo.
ALL:   Hikeeba!

* Origin: Total Access News & Info Sys, Tacoma, WA  206-472-9884 (1:138/103)
===========================================================================
Date: 05-31-94 (11:39)             Number: 488
From: BRIAN HAMMACK
  To: COLIN BLAIR
Subj: HI TIM! HERE IS MINE!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Then Colin Blair was compelled to tell us:

 CB|         Ok here is my info on MST3K!!!! oh and myself

JOEL:  We've got newbie sign!!!

 CB| First episode: The one with Mr. B. Natural!

TOM:  I'd say Mr. B Natural was that kid's first episode, too...

 CB| School: Lanphier High School
 CB| City: SpringField

JOEL:  D'oh!

 CB| State: Illinois (THE S IS SILENT SILENT SILENT!!!! WE ARE NOT
 CB| PLURAL!!!!) Motto: Land of Lincoln

CROW:  State shame -- Chicago.

 CB| Pet Peeve: french and people who think that MST3K is boring
 CB| Age: 16
 CB| Year: Sophmore

TOM:   You'd think that being a sophomore would be his peeve.
JOEL:  Could be worse; he could be a French sophomore.

 CB| Worst Episode: Manos

ALL:  Seen it.

 CB| BirthDate: 12/05/1977

CROW:  That would make him how old...?

 CB| OS: DOS 6.2 and Windows 3.11
 CB| Favorite game: Space Quest

TOM:   DOS 6.2 and Windows together create a game called Hard Drive Space
       Quest!  And there's no winning!
CROW:  Well, you could use DoubleSpace and wait for the crash...

 CB| Job: Shelving Books at local library

JOEL:  Starting the high stress jobs early, I see.

 CB| Modem: 14.4 Intel
 CB| Computer: Packard Bell 486 sx 25 Multi-Media

TOM:   Scotch -- DeWar's White Label.  "It tastes like Listerine."

 CB| Pet Peeve #3: People who think that DOS will live forever
 CB| Pet Peeve #4: People who use Macintosh's and then make fun of

CROW:  Oh, I figured it out -- 1977 would make him 16!

 CB| Intel users Pet Peeve #5: People who fight over operating systems

JOEL:  He's never seen the "User Interface War" skit you two have done.

 CB| Pet Peeve #6: DOS
 CB| Pet Peeve #7: Windows

CROW:  So what else is left?

 CB| Sex: Male

TOM:  Sex -- Rarely.

 CB| User Name: Crow

CROW:  Leave me out of this!  TURN IT OFF!  TURN IT OFF!

 CB| Best online game: CircleMUD
 CB| Level on MUD: IMMORTAL

JOEL:  I ... Am ... IronMUD ...

 CB| Phone Number: 1-217-not-4you

CROW:  And the ladies like it too.

 CB| Ambition: Work for BB

TOM:   Aiming pretty low, aren't we?

 CB| Pet Peeve #8: Penn

JOEL (Minnesotan voice):  Oh my, cripes, he has a lot of pets.
TOM (same):  Oh yeah, and that Penn is such a nuisance too.

<YAWN>

ALL:   Done it.

 * Origin: Total Access News & Info Sys, Tacoma, WA  206-472-9884 (1:138/103)
===========================================================================
Date: 05-31-94 (12:30)             Number: 498
From: ERIC WILSON
  To: JOE RYKOWSKI
Subj: Re: WE'VE GOT NEWBIE SIGN      Conf: (13) MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 JR> Anyone got connections?  Does Fibervision in Laurel, MT broadcast
 JR> MST3000?  Should I just protest until they give me this info (I

     Fibervision?  Isn't that a natural laxative?  Or maybe the all-health-
food channel?

 JR> suspect they are trying to keep another normal person from being
 JR> sucked into this vortex of riotous, hilariously off-color,
 JR> universe...by telling me they don't know.  Yeah, they probably watch
 JR> it day-in and day-out around Fibervision!)  *grin*

TOM:  (in his best Bowery Boys voice) Yeah! It's a conspiracy, dat's what
      it is!!!
CROW: Look into my eyesssss...it's not YOU, it's THEM...repeat after me...
TOM:  Drop out of school!  Go hang out in the village and smoke marajuana
      cigarettes.
CROW: Now, here's what you need to do...take this container of gasoline...
JOEL: (strolling in) HOLY COW!! Tom Servo and TV's Wise-Cracking Crow are
      hypnotizing another newbie into firebombing their cable company!!!
CROW: Wha'?  AW, JOEL, you broke the spell!!
TOM:  It was only harmless shenanigans!
JOEL: Well, I know two bots who are getting a time out...
CROW: Uh, Joel, the letter first...
JOEL: Okay; Cambot, put this up on Still-Store...we have a letter from
      Eric Wilson from High Point, NC, and he says "Dear Joel and the Bots,
      "I confess I have done something wrong..."
CROW: Well, who hasn't?
JOEL: "I have been using MST3K characters in silly, poorly written
      parodies to impress my new pals on Fidonet...(Bots start barking) In 
      fact, I never even SENT this letter; I know full well that Joel is off 
      the SOL, for instance, but I like his speech rhythms better."  What a 
      sad little..
CROW: Yeah, well, don't worry about being messed up and maladjusted...
      They're sicker than you think...f'rinstance, I bet you didn't know 
      that Tony Trujillo is actually an 87-year-old grandmother.
TOM:  And Brian Henry?  He has a sixth finger!!  BRRRRR!!!
CROW: Scott Davis?  We just made him up!
JOEL: Then where do all the video tapes come from?
CROW: Ummm...a secret, fairy pixie realm!  Whee!
JOEL: Well, whattabout Dr. Holly?
TOM:  We'd...ah...AHEM...rather not talk about Dr. Holly...because of the
      hurting and the thing...
JOEL: Well, whaddya think, sirs?

 * Origin: The Mach ][ BBS * (910) 475-5662 * Thomasville, NC (1:3654/144)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                     
                   SECTION 24: INDESTRUCTIBLE MAN SEQUELS!

Obsessive one-upsmanship? My dog is bigger than your dog? Nah, just doing
what comes natural with MSTies. After all, how many times have Joel/Mike & 
the Bots gotten into one of these verbal fencing matches? On the MST3K Fido
echo, it makes for good comedy and/or things like the 'Godzilla Vs.' thread! 
===========================================================================
Date: 05-23-94 (12:31)             Number: 1295
From: SCOTT DAVIS                  Refer#: NONE
  To: WILL MORGAN                   Recvd: YES 
Subj: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!              Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
TT> Hummm...sounds like THE INDESTRUCTABLE MAN! :^)
BM> Or it's sequel THE INDESTRUCTIBLE GUY!
BH> I thought the sequel was called WAR OF THE INDESTRUCTIBLE BEAST!

WM> Beneath the Planet of Indestructible Men
WM> Indestructible Man II: The Herectic
WM> Indestructible Man 2: Electric Boogaloo
WM> Indestructible Man Part Deux
WM> More of that Lon Chaney Eye Thing

Hey, you forgot some of my favourites!

"IM2: Judgement Day"
"Indestructible Man, The 2nd Chapter"
"The Indestructible Man Too: Another Indestructible Man"
"Lon Chaney's Revenge: Indestructible 2"
"Indestructable Man Values"
"Bride of the Indestructable Man"
"The Indestructable Man Strikes Back"

* Origin: (404) 869-3410 * 25+ Megs of MST3k Files *  (1:3616/20.0)
===========================================================================
Date: 05-26-94 (11:51)             Number: 36
From: WILL MORGAN                  Refer#: 1295
  To: SCOTT DAVIS                   Recvd: NO  
Subj: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!              Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Honey, I Blew Up The Indestructible Man
The Indestructible Man In Breaking Training
Indestructible Man II: The Wrath of Lon Chaney
Indestructible Man 2: The Dream Warrior
Indestructible Man-bo: First Blood Part 2
===========================================================================
Date: 05-29-94 (20:37)             Number: 475
From: ANDY ROSE
  To: WILL MORGAN
Subj: Re: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 WM> (Do I smell a lengthy feature in an upcoming RN9R?)

[You Got That RIGHT! X <- You Are Here! - Radio's Will, editors note]

 Abbott and Costello Meet the Indestructible Man
 The Indestructible Man, Too
 Three Indestructible Men and a Baby
 The Indestructible Elephant Man
 The Indestructible Man IV:  Indestructible Men On Patrol
 The Indestructible Man, and the Indestructible Women Who Loved Him
 Indestructible Men at Work
 So I Married an Indestructible Man
 Who's That Indestructible Man?

 * Origin: Fido Racer (1:11/301.0)
===========================================================================
Date: 06-03-94 (12:45)             Number: 444
From: SCOTT DAVIS
  To: WILL MORGAN
Subj: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 WM> (Do I smell a lengthy feature in an upcoming RN9R?)

Either that... or something just died in here... <g>

"Indestructable Man part XIII: The Final Chapter"
"Indestructable Manos: The Eyes of Fate"
"Attack of the 50' Indestructable Woman"
"Who Framed the Indestructable Man?"
"When an Indestructable Man Loves a Woman"

 * Origin: (404) 869-3410 * 25+ Megs of MST3k Files *  (1:3616/20.0)
===========================================================================
Date: 06-02-94 (12:36)             Number: 416
From: MATT BRADY
  To: ANDY ROSE
Subj: Re: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Indestructable Man II: Electric Boogaloo
I Was A Teenage Indestructable Man
Indestructable Man II: On The Move
Return Of The Indestructable Jedi Man
Close Encounters of the Indestructable Man
Stephen King's 'The Indestructable Man'

How do these things get started anyway?

 * Origin: Gizmonic Institute - Visalia, CA (1:214/40.0)
===========================================================================
Date: 06-07-94 (10:48)             Number: 481
From: BRIAN HAMMACK
  To: SCOTT DAVIS
Subj: THE INDESTRUCTABLE THREAD      Conf: (13) MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
To which I pasted in still more (beyond some from my previous post on it):

My Indestructable Man 2
Revenge of the Indestructable Man (since "...Strikes Back" has been done)
Fugative Indestructable Man 2
The Devil In Mr. Indestructable Man 2 (three and four...)
Indestructable Mitchell
Indestructable In Action 2: something (y'know, Chuck Norris?)
Naked Indestructable Gun 33 1/3
Indestructable Taboo 2 (through five... no, I watch porn for the articles)
It's an Indestructable, Indestructable, Indestructable, Indestructable,
  Indestructable World
Indestructable Man:  The FidoNet Thread

 * Origin: Total Access News & Info Sys, Tacoma, WA  206-472-9884 (1:138/103)
===========================================================================
Date: 06-07-94 (01:26)             Number: 490
From: PATTIE SISSON
  To: MATT BRADY
Subj: Re: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Final Chapter:  Indestructible Man
Indestructible Man from Outer Space
Indestructible Man:  The Forbidden Zone
Bride of the Indestructible Man
Indestructible Man of 1,000 Faces
Indestructible Man of La Mancha
Indestructible Man 2000
Quest for the Indestructible Man

Shall we continue?

 * Origin: The Byte Board QBBS Gamma-4 2.80 Bristol, TN (1:3642/501.0)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                         SECTION 25: LOVE THEME MUSIC!

If you're a normal (term used VERY loosely) MSTie, you probably go around
humming or singing the MST3K Love Theme at the most inoppurtune moments, 
right? RIGHT? Hey, I know I'm not the only one...And those voices, they're
getting louder! Anyway, if you were curious about the theme & are actually
musically gifted, check the following feature out! If not, tell the voices
to quit talking so loud! Please?!
===========================================================================
Date: 02-13-94 (13:57)             Number: 105
From: PAT GOMES
  To: ALL
Subj: Guitar love theme
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the guitar players out there, here's the chords for the Love Theme. This
is for the last Joel version of the LT. Enjoy.

over and out,
Pat Gomes
---------------------------
From: vabella@tuba.aix.calpoly.edu (Vincent J. Abella)

The theme is mostly E/A, with a few variations, as noted below. Use power
chords--mostly fifths on the lower three strings. Apoligies to BB, but I used
the old theme, because I'm doing this from memory. And don't forget the
"datdatdatdat--BLANG!" at the end. 8^) (to use the technical terms....)

        E       A       E    A       E     A    E A 
        In the not-too-distant future, next Sunday A.D. [snip]
         F#                              B 
        But his bosses didn't like him, so they shot him into space. [snip]

         E           A           E      A 
        Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
           F#           B       D                        E 
        I should really just relax for Mystery Science Theatre 3000!"

-Deep v13.0 [Reg]: Pat Gomes - cello@wam.umd.edu - KTMA/1/2/3/4/5...
 * Origin: NETWORK East  (1:109/459)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                          SECTION 26: WINKY TRIVIA!

This short but informative article from Eric Wilson proved that he's an expert 
on Winkies (Don't THAT look good on a resume!). 
===========================================================================
Date: 04-21-94 (22:53)             Number: 1586
From: ERIC WILSON                  Refer#: NONE
  To: GARY PRESSLER                 Recvd: NO  
Subj: RE: NIGHTMARE REVISITED/N      Conf: (16) MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
     Another kidvid trivia tidbit:  didja know that the sidekick of Rocky
Jones, Space Ranger (as seen in MANHUNT IN SPACE and CRASH OF THE MOONS) was
played by a former Little Rascal?  That's right, the next time you see such
Hal Roach classics as "Honkey Donkey" and...well, that one where they were
drumming up business for the lemonade stand, keep an eye out for a dishelved
lad wearing the crooked baseball cap and the sweater (or sweatshirt?) that
looks a few sizes too big for him...or in the later (lousier) MGM-produced
OUR GANG shorts, he played Alfalfa's cousin Waldo (in the Little Lord
Fauntleroy suit).  That's Scotty Beckett, aka Binky (or something) the co-
pilot.  His career was hitting what you might call a slump at the time...
later died.  Ish.

 * Origin: The Mach ][ BBS  (910)475-5662 Thomasville, NC (1:3654/144)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                          SECTION 27: ZIMA ARTICLE!

Name *ONE* MSTie that you know of that *DOESN'T* detest Zima. Even if you
can find a besotted, Zima-swilling reprobate of a MSTie, chances are that
person will still detest the almost PENN-like commercials (measured on a
scale of pure obnoxiousness, that is)...Well, Robert Payes gives us a peek
at what other, NORMAL folks think of this drink. (Wonder what they'd think of 
the endless barrage of Zima commercials on CC? Probably drive 'em to drink!)
===========================================================================
Date: 05-16-94 (19:57)             Number: 790
From: ROBERT PAYES                 Refer#: NONE
  To: ALL                           Recvd: NO  
Subj: Zima -- The Final Chapter      Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
        In the interests of climaxing this "does Zima taste more like
owl urine or TV Frank's bathwater?" discussion once and for all, I
humbly offer the following unauthorized reprint:


                     New York DAILY NEWS: May 13, 1994
                    Zima Fizzles In Newsroom Taste Test
                                    by
                                Ron Givens
                   Daily News Associated Features Editor


   "Zomething Different."

   The Coors People have been spending barrels of money to plant this phrase 
in your head. They want you to thirst for the new, clear alcoholic drink Zima.
   But they don't want to quench you with actual facts about Zima. Like, what 
the stuff is.  Like what the alcohol content is.  Like how it tastes.
   Zo, here goes.  Zima is a "malt beverage," although you'd never
suspect this from the look and barely guess it from the taste.  Coors
has sucked out all the color and head and virtually all of the flavor
of the brew.  They've given it a trace of citrus flavoring, the fizz
of soda pop and the kind of alcohol content (4.7% by volume) you get
from mass-market beers.  They've put it in a bottle that looks like
the second cousin, once removed, of a sambuca container.
   And how does it taste?  Well, to these buds, not like much at all.
First, a weak combo of lemon and lime, and then something truly odd.
It feels stale, it feels like artificial sweetener, it feels wrong.  I
suspect that this little wrinkle of flavor may be the only vestige of
malt that has survived the mega-processing that produces weak little Zima.
   But don't take my word for it.  To be fair to this brave new brew,
I solicited the opinions of 20 staffers at the Daily News -- male, female, 
young, not-so-young, regular drinkers, irregular drinkers, beer lovers, etc.
   You can sum up their collective judgment in two words: Zomething bad.
   Only one person liked it -- "It's like 7-Up, but it's not sweet.
It's not cloying on the tongue."
   Another was indifferent -- "It's just nothing."
   The other 18 were not so kind.
   "Bites the big one."
   "Antiseptic."
   "Bland."
   "Like citrate of magnesia -- a laxative."
   "Uch."
   "You go to a Third World country and drink the tap water."
   "Efferdent."
   "Disgusting."
   "Rubbing alcohol mixed with club soda."
   "Tainted Sprite."
   "It's sort of like you got an orange soda from a fountain and you
got all seltzer and no orange."
   "Very weak cider."
   "Horrible aftertaste."
   "Pretty yicky."
   "As alcohol, it's pathetic."
   "This is the exact opposite of full-bodied.  This is no-bodied."
   "Putrid."
   "It smells like a bar on the morning after a big night."
   Actually, now that I think about it, the collective judgment of
the Daily News drinkers can be summed up in one word: Zucks.

* Origin: THE BOSS BBS * Tenafly, NJ * (201) 568-7293 (1:2604/301)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                           
                    SECTION 28: MST3K SEASON TWO REVIEWS

Get me, I'm Siskel & Ebert! Reviewing an entire season's MST3K episodes was 
such a great idea (RN9R0394 & RN9R0494 for the 100 Series reviews) I figured 
I could squeeze at least four more  space-consuming articles from the idea! 
(and it'll keep me busy until the Season 6 starts!). 
============================================================================
201 ROCKETSHIP X/M: This is a pretty decent season opener. It also has a few
things worth noting for historic reasons: It's Frank's first episode, it's
Kevin Murphy's first episode as Servo (Joel even spends the first host segment
adjusting Tom's voice), the Satellite of Love set has changed drastically,
and TV's Frank makes a sly reference that Dr. Erhardt is "missing" and holds 
up a milk carton with his picture on it! The movie is typical Robert Lippert
(most of the first part takes place in one location [see also ROCK CLIMBING!]
the cheesy looking space ship set). It's also unique for it's very depressing
plot (SPOILER: None of the astronauts survive!). It stars Hugh O'Brien, Noah
Beery Jr. (lot's of Rockford Files jokes) and Lloyd Bridges (crammed full of
Sea Hunt and "By this time my lungs were aching for air" comments! In fact,
Joel eerily mentions the name of his predecessor in one comment - "Good night,
Mike Nelson of Sea Hunt fame"). The host segments were pretty decent (drastic
improvement over Season 1 sketches), the best being the one where Joel & the
Bots gaze out the SOL's window exchanging quotes. It culminates in a visit by
an ominous Space Vixen played by Mike Nelson (the head writer and eventual
Joel-replacement, *NOT* the main character of Sea Hunt).
Movie: **        Commentary: ****     Sketches: ****       Overall: ****
============================================================================
202 THE SIDEHACKERS: An abysmal, depressing movie (Female lead gets offed!) 
starring Ross Hagen about some obscure motorcycle sport. It features some of 
Joel & the Bots best comments and a group of great sketches including a funny 
play-by-play chock full of MST3K trademark double-talk. It also adds a couple 
two instant classic songs to the growing MSTie Jukebox: "SIDEHACKIN'" and the 
poignant "LOVE PADS THE FILM". 
Movie: **        Commentary: ****     Sketches: ****       Overall: ****
============================================================================
203 JUNGLE GODDESS (plus PHANTOM CREEPS Part One): The Bela Legosi serial
is an automatic strike against this episode. There are some good comments
during the short, but for some reason, I've never liked this series. The  
feature is just a little better. There are some decent comments, but the host
segments are only average (You expect more from MST3K!). One piece of trivia:
This features, to my knowledge, Jim Mallon's only cameo appearance to date.
Movie: **        Commentary: ***      Sketches: ** 1/2     Overall: ***
============================================================================
204 CATALINA CAPER: One of my favorite 200 eps! This features Tom Servo's
haunting "CREEPY GIRL" song and a few other decent host segments. The movie
is a typically incomprehensible 60's farce (similar to WWWOBW only in color) 
and the only saving grace is a cameo by Little Richard! But it was great 
fodder for jokes by Joel & the Bots. 
Movie: **        Commentary: ****     Sketches: ****       Overall: ****
============================================================================
205 ROCKET ATTACK USA (plus PHANTOM CREEPS Part Two): A pretty bland outing. 
Unique in it's foreshadowing of the future: Mike Nelson appears as a Russian
comsmonaut with two Bots! Another oddity is the segment where Joel gives Tom
a haircut leaving our little red pal with a severely cylindrical-looking head!
The cold-war feature was almost unwatchable and the second installment of the
Bela Lugosi serial plodded along lifelessly. The host segments were only ok, 
the Civil Defense bowl being the funniest. 
Movie: *         Commentary: ***      Sketches: ** 1/2     Overall: ** 1/2
============================================================================
206 RING OF TERROR (plus PHANTOM CREEPS Part Three): The movie features yet
another pack of middle-aged teens, a pair of fatties everyone makes fun of
and of course Puma the Cat! The sketches were above average, the best being
a hilarious parody of the autopsy scene from the movie. Yet another Lugosi
serial installment puts the damper on things. The one unique thing - the
short appears AFTER the feature which puts Joel & the Bots into a false sense
of security, thinking they were done for the day! (Those Mads *are* EVIL!)
Movie: * 1/2     Commentary: ***      Sketches: ***        Overall: ***
============================================================================
207 WILD REBELS: Best Brains must've got a bargain basement discount on all 
these rebellious youth movies during Season Two (HELL CATS, and to a lesser 
degree THE SIDEHACKERS). This is another solid episode on all fronts. It also
features the "WILD REBELS CEREAL" song/commercial parody. A running sketch
features Joel & Gypsy getting to know each other while Tom & Crow take over
her duties. Pretty funny material.
Movie: * 1/2     Commentary: *** 1/2  Sketches: ***        Overall: *** 1/2 
============================================================================
208 LOST CONTINENT: Rock climbing. That's all you have to say to a MSTie to
elicit seering physical pain. This early precursor to DEEP HURTING features  
an unbearably lengthy (hardy souls have timed it at approximately sixteen 
minutes and seventeen seconds!) segment showing characters from the movie 
climbing up the same cheesy rock-face. This episode's saving grace are the 
reactions by Joel & the Bots. There's a Hugh Beaumont cameo by Mike Nelson.
Movie: *         Commentary: ****     Sketches: ***        Overall: ***  
============================================================================
209 HELL CATS: Yet another Ross Hagen biker flick from the sixties. This time
Ross infiltrates a gang of drug pushing bikers along with a blonde girl cop
as his sidekick. There are several references to SIDEHACKERS and a whole lot
of drug jokes. The commentary is above average, including several instances
of the infamous "Weinerman Song"! (one, a funny jazz rendition by Tom Servo).
The weakest part of this episode (well, besides the sucky movie) has to be 
the rehashed host segments (framed by Dear Diary flashbacks for Joel and each 
of the robots) from Season One and earlier in Season Two. BBI must've run out
of creative steam that week or something!
Movie * 1/2      Commentary: *** 1/2  Sketches: **         Overall: ** 1/2
============================================================================
210 KING DINOSAUR (plus X MARKS THE SPOT): The lethal combo of Bert I. Gordon
and Robert Lippert teamed up on this awful feature. Lippert's trademark long,
actionless scene is well represented: lots of walking, rafting & just plain
sitting around the campfire scenes! (Lippert was responsible for the infamous
ROCK CLIMBING sequence in LOST CONTINENT). I suppose the cheesy dinosaurs are
the work of Gordon (known for his "giant" fetish - VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS,
BEGINNING OF THE END to name a couple of other Gordon films that have been
on MST3K). They are laughable! Superimposed shots of mundane earth animals
that must've saved thousands of dollars in special effects! Needless to say,
Joel & the Bots tear into these stupid scenes. The short film X MARKS THE SPOT
was just average. The commentary didn't seem to heat up until KING DINOSAUR
started. Host segments were also uninspired, the best being the "Joey The
Lemur" song (Joel does a great Gilbert Gottfried!).
Movie: *         Commentary: ***      Sketches: ** 1/2     Overall: ** 1/2
============================================================================
211 FIRST SPACESHIP ON VENUS: A real bland turd burger. This dull movie has
an international cast of boring stiffs. The commentary during the movie is
average (which can be attributed to the immense talents of Best Brains, in 
lesser hands, this episode would've REALLY BIT!) You can tell that the movie 
is going to be an ordeal by the occasional long silence by Joel & the Bots, 
there just wasn't much to work with. The host segments were also only average, 
the best was a parody of 60s era Kraft recipe spots - "The Klack Commercial".
Movie: *         Commentary: ***      Sketches: ** 1/2     Overall: ** 1/2
============================================================================
212 GODZILLA VS. MEGALON: One of my top five 200 Series episodes, this has
some of the best host segments of any early MST3K: "The Popcorn Heir", "The
Monster Sketch", "Rex Dart - Eskimo Spy" and the "Jet Jaguar Fight Song"...
The jokes are top-notch and get this: the movie is almost watchable!
Movie: ***       Commentary: ****     Sketches: ****       Overall: **** 
============================================================================
213 GODZILLA VS. THE SEA MONSTER: I guess I just have a soft place in my head
for big, dumb monster movies. This is another one of my faves from the second
season. It features the all-time classic "GODZILLA GENEALOGY BOP" song and a
visit from Mothra! The jokes during the movie are consistently funny.
Movie: ***       Commentary: ****     Sketches: *** 1/2    Overall: ****
============================================================================
RATING KEY:     * = SUCKED            ** = FAIR          *** = GOOD            
             **** = EXCELLENT      ***** = THE BEST!     1/2 = HALF-STAR
==========================================================================
                     SEASON TWO NUMERICAL EPISODE RATING

  1) Catalina Caper (#204)                 8) Lost Continent (#208)
  2) The Sidehackers (#202)                9) 1st Spaceship On Venus (#211)
  3) Godzilla Vs. Megalon (#212)          10) Ring Of Terror (#206)
  4) Godzilla Vs. Sea Monster (#213)      11) King Dinosaur (#210)
  5) Rocketship X/M (#201)                12) Hell Cats (#209)
  6) Wild Rebels (#207)                   13) Rocket Attack USA (#205)
  7) Jungle Goddess (#203)                                
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                         
                     SECTION 29: MSTHOUR HOST SEGMENT!

Welcome back, my oh so dear friends to yet another installment of the MSTH
Host Segment transcript! I'm not wearing any pants while I type this, but
I kid the patient reader so, don't I? Go ahead and savor this tasty little
tidbit while I go take my medication, won't you? Buh bye!
===========================================================================                         
                         MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER HOUR
                   HOST SEGMENTS: MSTH#310 "Fugitive Alien"

Part 1 - Prologue: The Host stands by a chalk board full of scribbles &
         figures, including: OEP/OPE/E O/EPO; F+F/D13 = n/a; and a diagram
         of a large gun-barrel with bullet aimed at the earth...

HOST: Why hello, friends! I bid you a warm welcome to another experiment
      courtesy of those unhallowed researchers of Deep 13. Tonight's film 
      is FUGITIVE ALIEN, a heart pounding chilli-buster of a film that 
      literally breaks into a gallup minutes after our opening credits. You 
      know it's the kind of gripping cinema that reminds me of why we crave 
      entertainment. Why we say "Take me please, take me away to another 
      place!" Perhaps a place of danger or maybe a place of blindingly 
      rhapsodic beauty. One note of thanks to our treasure hunter Sandy Frank.
      Like Bach had his Mendelssohn & Susan Anton her David Hasselhoff, Sandy
      has once again dusted off yet another undiscovered treasure. Now, sit
      back & relish FUGITIVE ALIEN on the MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER HOUR...

Part 1 - Epilogue: The Host isn't holding or doing anything special...

HOST: Hahahaha! Yes, yes indeed! That was a much younger 'Yours Truly' taking
      part in the antics of Dr. Forrester & TV's Frank. Join us for Part Two
      of FUGITIVE ALIEN when our hero Ken is torn between two lovers and
      finally manages to...Ohh! I ought'nt give away the ending! You'll have
      to tune in next time to the MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER HOUR. Y'all come
      back now, ya' hear? (Credits roll. Shows movie portraits, NOT THE HOST)
==========================================================================
Part 2 - Prologue: The Host holds a red-haired wig...

HOST: Hmmm. I've often wondered how silken locks would tingle in my hands! 
      Tonight, Part Two of FUGITIVE ALIEN from our charismatic & unhinged
      friends at Deep 13. But first, let's get caught up on Part One's
      developments (Clips roll)...As you recall, earth is suddenly attacked
      by a delightful & violent pack of male Lucy impersonators called Wolf
      Raiders. After accidentally killing his comrade, our hero, young
      Wolverine Ken finds himself a FUGITIVE ALIEN. He escapes into space &
      joins our crack team in plastic jump suits led by the irrepressible
      Captain Joe. Meanwhile, the evil warlord decrees Ken must die & sends
      Ken's girlfriend, the lovely Rita to avenge her brother's death. WOW!
      And now Part Two of FUGITIVE ALIEN on the MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER HOUR!

Part 2 - Epilogue: The Host has a space helmet with red-haired wig in it...

HOST: Well it looks like our FUGITIVE ALIEN friend Ken is no longer a man 
      without a country. Did you know that in this classic, Sandy Frank
      revolutionized the use of wigs in cinema? Yes, even lovely Rita was
      sporting false tresses! I kid you not! I know what you're thinking.
      (points to his balding head) But this is my REAL hair! Hahahahahah!
      Thanks for stopping by the MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER HOUR & until next
      time, friends, sayonarra! Hahaha (brushes what's left of his hair)...

(Credits roll...The Host struggles with wig-head, finally pulling the helmet
 and wig off, throwing away the styrofoam head. He drops the helment, fluffs
 the wig several times & then puts it on...He protrudes his chest, puts his
 hands on his hips & poses as the scene fades out...)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                     
                    SECTION 30: GREAT LITERARY MOMENTS!

The following is (yet another) one of my favorite host segments. It's sort'a
visual so I tried to provide as much info on what happens as possible, not
sure if it translates into plain ASCII (when I read it, I picture the actual
sketch - I afraid newbies who haven't seen "The Beatniks" will be clueless).
===========================================================================                       
                       THE RISE AND FALL OF TOM SERVO                      
                           (During "The Beatniks")

Joel: (With huge cigar) That's it, kid. I'm gonna make you a star!
Tom:  (With pompadour wig & leather jacket) Really? Wow!
      (Tom & Joel making 'Doodly doodly doodly' sound effect...)

SPINNING VARIETY NEWSPAPER HEADLINE: 'ROBINSON SIGNS NEW SINGING SENSATION'

Tom:  Gee. I dunno about this, Colonel Robinson. I'm just a simple 
      Bass-ackwards country boy that loves his momma. What's so great
      About being a star, anyhoo?
Joel: (Snaps fingers - Crow, in a dress with beehive wig, lipstick & fake
      Eyelashes slides into picture)
Tom:  Say! My own plasty-faced butt-lady! C'mere baby, I'll show ya' the
      Meaning of love...(Tom & Joel making HEADLINE sound effect)

SPINNING VARIETY NEWSPAPER HEADLINE: 'SERVO SIGNS RECORD CONTRACT!'

Tom:  (Headphones on, at microphone) Five...Six...Seven...Eight...Nine
      (Singing) A leather coat...Dum doo bum...dum doo bum...
      A ducktail hair...Dum doo bum...Dum doo bum...
      (Spoken) I think that's a cut, Jimmy. Let's go ahead...
      (Tom & Joel making HEADLINE sound effect)

SPINNING VARIETY NEWSPAPER HEADLINE: 'SERVO TO APPEAR ON ED SULLIVAN!'

Crow: (In an Ed Sullivan voice) Thank you, Topo Gigot! And now with the
      Singing sensation...Tom Servo!
Tom:  (In a T.V. using heavy Elvis accent) Thank you very much...
      (Singing) A leather coat...Dum doo bum...dum doo bum...
      (Joel making HEADLINE sound effect)
      (Tom speaking to Joel) Wait a minute, I'm not finished!

SPINNING VARIETY NEWSPAPER HEADLINE: 'TOM SERVO SIGNS BIG MOVIE DEAL!'

Tom:  (To Crow, on 'movie set') What's my motivation?
Joel: (As director, with clipboard) Okay...Daddy O, take twenty-five!
Crow: (In dress, wig, lipstick, eyelashes with an apple) Want some?
Tom:  (Straining to get apple with tiny arms) Uhh...uhhhh...Sorry..Sorry!
Joel: Oh...Cut! Cut! Cut! This Servo guy is useless! This is the last time
      We hire a leading man with inoperable arms! Tom Servo! You're fired!
      Give me that Cantino kid! (Tom & Joel making HEADLINE sound effect) 
       
SPINNING VARIETY NEWSPAPER HEADLINE: 'SERVOS CAREER HITS SKIDS!'
                                     'CRIX NIX BOTS PIX!'

Tom:  (Dressed in rags, drunkenly singing) Leather bar...Sling shot briefs
      (Spoken to Crow as girl) Say! I know you...Don't you remember me?
      Why are you leaving me hanging like this? (Crying) I'm Tom Servo!
      I'm Tom Servo! (Fading, sobbing) I'm Tom Servo...
Crow: (Girl's voice) I never knew him...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                         
                         SECTION 31: GREATEST HITS!

Summer's here and girls are...uh...hanging out at the beaches! So in honor
of all the flesh & wobbly parts that are exposed during the long, hot month
of June, we're re-exposing this little...ditty...Enjoy!
=============================================================================
                         TUBULAR BOOBULAR JOY Song 
                             From THE OUTLAWS

<Mike & Bots in straw hats & vests like a barber shop quartet>

Tom:   Say, fellas. There sure is a lot of skin in this movie, isn't there?
Mike:  There sure is!
Corw:  Yet, despite all the acres of flesh, I just can't come up with a
       word to describe it..
Tom:   Well, I can!
Mike:  You can?
Tom:   Why sure! (Music starts...)
       (Singing) It's breast-ical, boob-lical, chest-ical, mamm-ical...
       Pendular, globular fun!
Mike:  Flesh-ical, orb-ital, mound-ular, scoop-ula...
Tom:   Right oh! That's the one!
Crow:  Is it glutial maximal, tush-ial, crack-ular, bun-ial
       Morning until night?
Tom:   Well, you're absolut-o-glandular fanny fantastical
       Mastur-ca-flesh-ical right!
All:   It's aero-tological, auto-erotical, tubular, boob-ular joy!
       Expose-ular regional, batch-ical pouch-ular fun for girl or boy!
       A latisimal dorsical, hung-like-a-horse-ical, Califor-ligical!
Crow:  A most bun-ula, fun-ula...
Mike:  Fruit of the Loom-ula...
Crow:  French-ical tongue-ular...
Tom:   Whop-ita boob-ular...
Mike:  Moooooooo-vvvvvvvv-iiiiiii-eeeeeeee! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Tom:   (In background while Mike sustains previous line)
       Bun-ula, fun-ula...Fruit of the Loom-ula...
       French-ical tongue-ular...Whop-ita boob-ular...
       Flesh-ical, orbital...Tubular, boob-ular...
       Tush-ical, cheek-ular ball!
Gypsy: Hi guys! How's the movie?
All:   (Hesitates, smiling at each other...music starts again)
       It's a breast-ical, boob-lical, chest-ical, mamm-ical...
       Pendular, globular fun!
Mike:  Oh, we've got Movie Sign!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                    SECTION 32: MST3K RELATED TAGLINES!

The following tagline file is OLX compatible...Simply use your text editor
to snip it out, save it to the filename "TAGLINES.OLX" and move it into your
OLX directory (if you already have a tagline file, be sure to rename it to
a temporary filename before you move this MST3K Tagline into the directory
or you may over-write your old file and lose it! I warned you, so don't come
whining to me!! Leave the line with the number "1" in the file so OLX will
know you've never read/used any of these taglines and start at the top!

------<CUT HERE, AND FOR GOODNESS SAKE DON'T RUN WITH THE SCISSORS!>------
1
---------------- MST3K TAGLINE FILE V61.0 ---------------
Top Sirloin - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Tov Mallorn - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Bob Baliban - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Hop Curlew - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Nod Earful - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Knock Pearljam - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Hop Sterno - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Clod Merlot - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Com Earlobe - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Mob Neverball - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Ron Purloin - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Hod Velcro - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Lob Siltloam - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
Mom Germwall - The Googooplex Names of Tom Servo!
What's the binary name for Tom Servo? - Satellite News
Tum Serpico - The Innumerable Names Of Tom Servo!
Tolchetomethuenicazit -The Innumerable Names Of Tom Servo
Tham Shrivo - The Innumerable Names Of Tom Servo!
Deus Servomachina - The Innumerable Names Of Tom Servo!
auTOMat - The Innumerable Names Of Tom Servo!
Tom Sirvio - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Tom Survo - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Tom Sirvol - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Paul Anka - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Tom Syble - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Tom Cryveaux - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Top Sirloin - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Tom Serbo - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Tom Serbol - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Tom Sir - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Don Servo - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Tom Sirbol - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Tom Serve - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Tom Cerbo - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Tom Surbo - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Joe Servo - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Ptahm Syrvault - The Nine Billion Names of Tom Servo!
Tawn Hermo, Snack Giver of Carthage - Tom Servo's names
Pim Bastoid, the world's first cyber-humanoid - SatNews
The Guy With The Bubble Gum Machine Head - Satellite News
Buy, Buy, My Darling - Price Rebel Icon Mdse. Catalog
Nummymuffincooklebutter - Price Rebel Icon Mdse. Catalog
The First Ever MST3000 ConventioCon Expo-Fest-A-Rama!
W/out a cast there can be no cast party - Frank on movies
My critical manifesto of cinema - Frank on movies
I know how toast works! - Tom as naive teen
Girl (singing): Are you happy? * Crow: Define happy.
She's putting on her tassles, now - Tom on girl singer
1700 Lies Later - Joel on exaggerating teen
Liar! Double liar! Big fat liar -Joel as teen exaggerates 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                     
                     SECTION 33: MST3K FILE EXCHANGE!

This month we have a huge, quadruple dose of File Exchanges! The first one 
has been lying around the newsroom, gathering dust for over five months. I 
wasn't neglecting the report, just ignorant of it's value. Now, since I'll 
probably be joining the lemming-like exodus to the Internet (along with many, 
many others) I figured it'd be a good time to spread this around. Hope it's 
still current! <G> The second selection is a report from Gary Ryno on the 
revamped MST FDN (File Distribution Network). Check it out, it's fixing to 
get BIG! Gary hit us one mo' time with a couple recent releases from the 
File_echo. Not to be outdone, I squished in a report of recent MST3K files
available for download or Fido FREQ from my home base, RAD SYSTEMZ...
=============================================================================
Date: 01-16-94 (15:10)             Number: 407
From: AMY WEST                     Refer#: 304
  To: DANNY WESLEY                  Recvd: NO  
Subj: MST AFTP                       Conf: (1) Mst3k
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
On 15 Jan 94  11:03:11, Danny Wesley writes:

 DW> Hey does anyone know any AFTP Internet sites to get a few good MST
 DW> files? Just wonderin......

gynko.circ.upenn.edu has some text files and the SOL newsletters
in the directory: /pub/rsk/mst3k.

And there's another one that has a lot of JPGs (captured from video):

MST3K_INDEX.TXT (/pub/mst3k@isis.dccs.upenn.edu)

Filename        Description
--------------- ----------------------------------------
afterord.jpg    Crow, Joel, and Tom Servo (after Tom's head blew up)
anotherf.jpg    Joel, just another guy in a red jumpsuit.
bighead.jpg     Crow, Joel (with "Big Head"), and Tom Servo
bosses.jpg      Dr. Forrester & Frank, nice green tint
cambot.jpg      Cambot (in mirror) and Joel
classydu.jpg    Crow and Tom Servo all dressed up
croooow!.jpg    Crow, from the robot roll call
crowandt.jpg    Crow and Tom Servo
dressedu.jpg    Joel, Crow, Tom Servo, and Gypsy, all dressed up
drummach.jpg    The BGC19 drum machine
gizmonic.jpg    Gizmonic Institute.
gypsy.jpg       Gypsy, from the robot roll call
lalala.jpg      Dr. Forrester & Frank, singing lalala.
mst3k.jpg       Planetoid with Mystery Science Theatre 3000 logo.
mst3k_mon.jpg   Montage: mst3k.jpg, bosses.jpg, robotfri.jpg, drummach.jpg
nottoodi.jpg    Joel tipping hat (not too different from you or me)
robotfri.jpg    Joel making his robot friends (Crow, Tom Servo, Gypsy)
robotrol.jpg    Joel holds up the "Robot Roll Call" sign
servodyi.jpg    Joel holding Tom Servo after his head exploded
tickleba.jpg    Joe, Tom Servo, and Crow demonstrate the tickle bazooka
tomservo.jpg    Tom Servo, from the robot roll call
turkeyda.jpg    Turkey Day logo
witafork.jpg    Joel demonstrates killing Ken with a toy forklift.

Also give  ftp.cs.odu.edu and wuarchive.wustl.edu a try.

 * Origin: The Satellite of Love (1:202/701.8)
=============================================================================
Date: 05-20-94 (17:08)             Number: 1001
From: GARY RYNO                    Refer#: NONE
  To: ALL                           Recvd: NO  
Subj: Important MST FDN news!        Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul & I have been doing some behind-the-scenes work to improve the MST3K File
Distribution Network (MST FDN). Important stuff is afoot, so please take note.

1.  The single, general MST_FILE area has been eliminated.  It has been replaced
by the following four more specific areas:

 MST_PROG  Software and program files
 MST_GIFS  Graphics images of all types
 MST_WAVS  Audio files of all types
 MST_TEXT  Text files, newsletters, tags, quotes

2.  We have made formal application to have the MST FDN distributed by both the
Filebone, and via the Planet Connect satellite carrier.  If we're successful in
this effort, the MST3K files will be *much* more widely and easily available to
everyone, at a more reasonable cost.

We can use your help in this effort.  If you have a local Filebone hub, please
drop them a netmail and ask them to endorse having the MST FDN added to the
Filebone.  Those hubs have the final say as to what FDNs are carried, and
popular support at the end-user and sysop level will go a LONG way to our
benefit.  Thanks in advance for your help!

More details as they become available.

* Origin: Gandalf's - San Diego, Ca - USR DS - 619-466-9505 (1:202/302)
===========================================================================
Date: 05-23-94 (00:13)             Number: 1136
From: GARY RYNO VIA ALLFIX         Refer#: NONE
  To: ALL                           Recvd: NO  
Subj: New file(s) announcement       Conf: (36) [F]_MST3K
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following MST3K-related file(s) were processed by 1:202/302 on

Fri, May 20 1994:
File: BOOBULAR.EXE (348,162 bytes)
Desc: A MST3K song in WAV format.
Area: MST_WAVS (MST3K Sound and Audio)

Mon, May 23 1994:
File: SOL.EXE (322,560 bytes)
Desc: An MST3K song in WAV format.
Area: MST_WAVS (MST3K Sound and Audio)

Sat, May 28 1994:
File: RN9R0594.ZIP (73,623 bytes)
Desc: Rocket Number 9 Reader - May 94 edition
Area: MST_TEXT (MST3K Newsletters, Tags, Quotes)

Note: Files available from 1:112/55 (v.32) and 1:202/302 (HST/v.32).
     FReq FILENAME.* to allow for conversion of compression format.

* Origin: Gandalf's - MST FDN Hub - USR DS - 619-466-9505 (1:202/302)
===========================================================================
Date: 05-29-94 (08:36)             Number: 485
From: WILL MORGAN
  To: ALL
Subj: Recent RAD Stuff
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Recent MST3K Files On RAD! Get 'em while they're...hot!

DIRTY10.TXT   <-- 10th Big collection of dirty/risque (not THAT bad) quotes!
                  Section 3004 - been online a while, probably passed over
                  since it's in the old MST_File echo area...get it!
DIRTY11.TXT   <-- 11th Big collection of dirty/risque (not THAT bad) quotes!
                  Brand New! Hot off the presses! Section 3003
TAG-MST6.TXT  <-- 6th collection of 500 MST3K Taglines! OLX format but will
                  work with other readers! Section 3004 - this has been online
                  a few weeks with no dloads. Did you MISS it since it's in
                  another section? Don't!
TAG-MST7.TXT  <-- 7th collection of 500 MST3K Taglines! OLX format but will
                  work with other readers! Section 3004 - this also has been
                  online a while...Get it! There are *NO* duplications in
                  any of my TAG-MST*.TXT tagline collections, guaranteed!
TAG-MST8.TXT  <-- 8th collection of 500 MST3K Taglines! OLX format but will
                  work with other readers! Section 3003 - Hot off the presses!
                  Brand new! Contains some KTMA era taglines!
TAG-MST9.TXT  <-- 9th HUGE Collection of My MST3K Taglines! 500 quantity!
                  Around 99% of them are KTMA era taglines! OLX Format, but
                  will work with all offline readers!
                  (Or FREQ: TAG-MST*.TXT for 4440 MST3K Taglines!!!!!)
MST106.TXT    <-- Another in the huge collection of MST3K sketch/song
                  transcripts! This one features a fight between Crow & Tom!
MST107.TXT    <-- MST3K transcript! This one has two smaller parts, one a
                  hilarious Spanish translation sketch from THE BLACK
                  SCORPION (#113) & the other a brief, but funny take on
                  Farming from UNTAMED YOUTH (#112)
MST108.TXT    <-- MST3K transcript! This one is from the KTMA Episode 
                  "CITY ON FIRE" & features Joel barking out cadences & 
                  the Bots responding...(You probably saw a very brief 
                  snippet of this sketch during THIS IS MST3K - Joel with 
                  baseball cap & dark glasses, marching in place...)
MST109.TXT    <-- Mike & the Bots have a heated discussion on Femmie Movies!
MST110.TXT    <-- At The Barber Shop - Crow gives Joel a haircut & gossips.
                  The portion about the Clown Jamboree has to be seen to be
                  believed! (From 100 Series Era)...
MST111.TXT    <-- Crawling Hand & Shatner - Joel & Bots are attacked by fake
                  rubber hands & deal with it in Shatner mode! (From 100
                  Series era)...
MST112.TXT    <-- Surrealism - Joel explains the concept of surrealism to Bots
MST113.TXT    <-- SERVO-CROWATION! From #103 "MAD MONSTER"!
MST114.TXT    <-- Demon Dogs #1 - Servo get's weewee'd on! From #102,
                 "ROBOT VS. THE AZTEC MUMMY"
MST115.TXT    <-- Demon Dogs #2 - Enoch, wise & charismatic leader of
                  the dog people visits the Satellite of Love! From #102
                  "ROBOT VS. THE AZTEC MUMMY"
MST116.TXT    <-- Naughty Words You *CAN* Say from #411 "MAGIC SWORD"
MST117.TXT    <-- The KTMA 'PIZZA & PASTA' commercial by Dr. F & Larry! 
MST118.TXT    <-- The Killer Shrew song!
MST119.TXT    <-- Looking Forward To The Appocalypse!
MST120.TXT    <-- What I'd Do If I Were Indestructible!
MST121.TXT    <-- SECRET AGENT SUPER DRAGON Jazz song!
MST122.TXT    <-- Servo on Physics!
MST123.TXT    <-- The Holo Clown sketch (with big buttery slabs of help
                  from Andy Rose!)
MST124.TXT    <-- PLAY MST FOR ME 2 "introduction" monologue & tape label
MST125.TXT    <-- Season 6 song! "Cosmic Freight Train" a brutal parody of
                  the Grateful Dead (Crow as Jerry Garcia!)
MST126.TXT    <-- "Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter" a tender balad to a lost pet
                  by TV's Frank
MST127.TXT    <-- Square Dance time on the S.O.L.! Anarchy! Now, Promenade!
MST128.TXT    <-- Mads' Ren Fest Experiment exchange (With help from MST3K
                  Echo moderator Tony Trujillo!)
MST129.TXT    <-- Mystery Science Text - By request "Bot Vans"
MST130.TXT    <-- Mike & Bots read "Palance On Palance: Believe It Or Not"
MST131.TXT    <-- MST3K Red Cross PSA's
INDEX03.TXT   <-- Index to MST3K Transcripts MST84.TXT - MST129.TXT
RRCALL01.GIF  <-- 640x480x256 'Quad' GIF of the Joel Era ROBOT ROLL CALL.
                  Has one pic of each robot featured in this sequence...
                  (These four GIFs make great .BMPs for WINDOWS' startups
                  especially if you include the RRCALL.WAV file! Ask Tony
                  Trujillo, he came up with the idea & requested these!)
RRCALL02.GIF  <-- 640x480x256 'Quad' GIF of the Mike Era ROBOT ROLL CALL.
                  Has one pic of each robot featured in this sequence...
RRCALL03.GIF  <-- 640x480x256 GIF - features FIVE smaller pictures from the
                  Mike Era ROBOT ROLL CALL (Including one of Mike tapping
                  each Bot with a pencil which is the shot featured during
                  the theme lyric "Robot Roll Call!")...
RRCALL04.GIF  <-- 640x480x256 GIF - features FIVE smaller pictures from the
                  Joel Era ROBOT ROLL CALL (Including one of Joel holding p
                  the large, white RRC letters)...

BTW: If you have a mad posh for MST3K Taglines, FREQ 'TAG-MST*.TXT' 
     Your efforts will be rewarded with 4400+ quantity MST3K Tags!!!

Freq: The above filenames from 1:3819/160
Dlds: (903)832-6213 or (903)838-4039 or (903)831-7403  **

** I forgot to tell everyone that Tommy has added a THIRD 14.4 Kbps
   node to Rad Systemz for your convenience and get this: He *ALSO*
   added one of those hunting dial systems to the board so now, if
   the node you ACTUALLY call is busy, but there's a free node, it
   will roll-over and connect you to the un-busy node!

I picked a couple MST3K files from Gandalf's BBS (619)466-9505. Give
MST3K_FDN magnate Gary Ryno a call there or FREQ them @ 1:202/302 or from RAD

TOOBULAR.ZIP  <-- MST3K Sound .WAV - the ENTIRE 'Toobular, Boobular Joy' song!
                  Courtesy of Gandalf's BBS & Gary Ryno...
SOL.ZIP       <-- MST3K Sound .WAV - the ENTIRE S.O.L. marching band song!
                  ('We don't care! Don't dispare! We're not wearing our
                  underwear!')...Courtesy of Gandalf's BBS & Gary Ryno...

I picked up a few MST3K files from ITCHY & SCRATCHY SHOW BBS (916)721-1701
Give Mark Holtz a holler there or FREQ them @ I&S 1:203/1701 or from RAD

C_PHRASE.ARJ  <-- An Internet compilation of MST3K Catch Phrases & Sources!
HNY_1994.ARJ  <-- Happy New Year 1994 - An MST3K Parody from Internet!
MSTPROMO.ARJ  <-- A list of MST3K Promos they used to show on CC 15 minutes
                  before the upcoming MST3K episodes!

* Origin: Rad Systemz -*- 903-832-6213 & 903-838-4039 -*- 14.4bps (1:3819/160)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
                       
                       SECTION 34: PUSH THE BUTTON

Three-quarters of a year! Eeeeyoooww! Yep, this issue, RN9R0694 marks the
ninth big issue! And there's no stopping us now! This thing has been growing
in huge leaps & bounds (the May & June issues almost 150K apiece!). And folks
are providing a never-ending source of great MST3K related material via the
Fidonet MST3K echo! Heck, I've got such a stock-pile now, I may have to get
choosy...Cuz choosy newsletter readers choose RN9R...Anyway, youse guyz keep
up the good work & I'll keep pumping these puppies out!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you have ANYTHING you want to share with a growing audience of RN9R
readers, send it to me! I have no shame! I'll use anything remotely cool and 
of interest to the average MST3K fan! (Haven't you been paying attention?!)
Have a gripe? A suggestion? A preachy editorial? A keep-up-the-good-work-ego
stroker for the editor? KTMA Era Tapes? Wanna trade MST3K related computer
stuff? [I have over 25+ MEGS backed up on tape - WAVs/gifs/anims/txt send me 
a box of 3.5 1.44 mb. IBM disks or 3.5 880 K Amiga disks full of YOUR MST3K 
stuff to the address below & I'll return them full of my stuff!]. 

    BBS METHOD               FIDONET METHOD           US MAIL METHOD
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    Rad Systemz BBS       NETMAIL:  Will Morgan         Will Morgan
    (903) 832-6213        1:3819/160 or 1:3819/128      2516 Wood St.
    Leave Me E-Mail       ECHOMAIL: Will Morgan         Texarkana, Tx
    Upload Submissions    On the MST3K Fido Echo               75501

-------------------------< GRATITUDE DEPARTMENT >--------------------------
We all owe Best Brains Inc. TONS OF GRATITUDE for such a fantastic TV Show! 
Extra Special Thanks to Tony Trujillo for the terrific MST3K Fido Echo!
Super Duper Thanks to Tommy Smith & RAD SYSTEMZ BBS for *EVERYTHING*!
Special thanks to Amy West for a long, overdue report on Internet FTP's!
Special thanks to Gary Ryno for the FDN article & new file releases!
Special thanks to Robert Payes for the Zima article!
Special thanks to Tony Trujillo for the MST3K A-Z List from Internet!
Special thanks to Brian Hammack for the TV Guide Mike Nelson article!
Special thanks to Eric Wilson for the Winky trivia!
Special thanks to Pat Gomes for the scoop on the MST3K Love Theme!
Special thanks to Scott Davis for the Anti-Holly feature!
Special thanks to Robert Payes for The Stand parody!
Special thanks to Brian Hammack for *Two* MSTified Echo message!
Special thanks to Eric Wilson for the THIRD MSTified Echo message!
Special thanks to Kris Edwards for the BBI Radio Interview report!
Special thanks to Mark Holtz for the CC Under Siege parody!
Special thanks to Brian Hammack for the chorus of the Suffering Song!
Special thanks to Tim Josephson for the French Song parody!
Special thanks to Mike Pearce for the July MST3K schedule!
Special thanks to Ed Lynn for helping out on the PLAY MST FOR ME 2 review!
Special thanks to Tony Trujillo for the Ren Fest transcript!
Special thanks to Eric Szulczewski for his piece of Physics & the Anti-Holly!
Special thanks to Larry Trujillo for the CON Suggestion List!
Special thanks to Tony Trujillo for the MST3K Echo Shirt update!
Special thanks to Mike Pearce & Brian Henry for the Season Six updates!
Special thanks to Robert Payes for his fantastic GODZILLA VS. article!
Special thanks to Frank Evans for the Japanese Monster checklist!
Special thanks to Tim Josephson for the report on the MST3K Red Cross PSA!
Special thanks to Chris Kesse for the idea on an MST3K Super NES game!
Special thanks to Brian Hammack for helping out with my Top Tens!
Special thanks to Holly McKinney for her rebuttal to one of my Top Tens!
Special thanks to Scott Davis for his Top Ten list, too!
Special thanks to Scott Davis/Brian Henry/Tony T/Andy Rose for Indest.sequels!
Special thanks to Matt Brady, Brian Hammack & Pattie Sisson for more sequels!
Special thanks to Mark Dezelon for the ANSI graphic of Tom Servo!
I compiled the list of MST3K Cameos & Guests!
I typed up the Entertainment Weekly article!
I did the Season Two Reviews & Ratings!
I did some more  MST3K/Echo related Top Ten Lists! Get me, I'm Letterman!
I helped out on the 'Suffering USA' song & the Indestructible Man sequels!
I wasted quite a bit more space with the 'And More' parody. Shame on me!
I did the review & intro transcript from PLAY MST FOR ME 2!
I did the transcript from the MST3K Red Cross PSA's!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
      
      ____               |\\                _                |###|
     /    \            /\-|O|-\            ( )               \###/
    /______\          /  \ \_\ \           |H|               (o^o)
    |  ()  |         /____\_____\         _|=|_               / \
    \------/        /(____|______)     /=|/:%:\|=\            \_/
     \____/         ||-_      -_      /  { :%: }  \         ___=___
                    ||__~-______~         \___/           [|=======|]
     CAMBOT         |=|  GYPSY          TOM SERVO         | CROOOOW |
                    \=\                 /___|___\         |   / \   |
                     \=\               (_________)            |_|

(Show yourself!)   (I'm not ready!)   (Hello there!)   (That's one "O"!)
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