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Date: 06-06-94 (22:38)             Number: 485
From: ROBERT PAYES
  To: ALL
Subj: "Godzilla Vs. Everyon 1/4      Conf: (13) MST3K
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        "Godzilla Vs."  Jeez, where _DID_ this thread come from?  Where
is it going?  And why does it keep rearing its ugly head outta
nowhere, like some kind of mainframe tapeworm from THE SHOCKWAVE
RIDER?  When the threads about Zima, Xuxa, and food/geography/biology
puns have run their course, how come The Big Green Guy keeps on going?

        Well, we can at least answer the first question.  After careful
and thorough detective work (i.e. GREPing all the FidoNet MST3K
messages archived by Will Morgan as part of his ROCKET #9 READER
editorship!), I think I've discovered the first "Godzilla vs."
reference, and it was from none other than our own Scott Davis:

SD> Or, perhaps, "The Fisherking vs. Godzilla". Robin Williams must defeat
SD> the Green Knight to reclaim the Grail, and regain his sanity.

        Scott set an easy-to-follow precedent: take a person/place/thing
with a recognizable trait or catchphrase and set him/her/it against
Godzilla.  Instant Riff-a-Thon!

        Around the time of "Godzilla vs. Kent State," Andy Rose pondered:

        > P.S. -- Does anyone know how long this thread has been going on?

        To which Scott Reynolds replied:

        > Seems like only slightly less time than they've actually been
        > making the Godzilla movies themselves.  I keep waiting for
        > Raymond Burr to stand up and tell us how this thread is a force
        > of nature and how mankind is powerless to stop.....what's
        > that?......Burr's dead?  So I guess the thread keeps going then?

        What follows is "The Best of Godzilla Vs."; I listed the various
contributors at the end, while entries with initials after them show
how someone built on the original riff.
______________________________________________________________________

Godzilla Vs. King Dinosaur (MST^2)
        [The lizard takes on Krofft-variety dinosaurs, and the puny humans
        demonstrate that they never run out of useless 30-06 ammo. (BH)]

Godzilla Vs. King Tut
        (Moved to Arizona, Got a condo made of stone'uh!)
        [Universal Studios meets Toho Inc.  Next in the series after
        ROBOT VERSUS THE AZTEC MUMMY, Godzilla vs. King Tut ends with
        the green dude eating Steve Martin then King Tut putting a
        curse on the lizard. (BH)]

Godzilla Vs. King Ding Dong
        [Straight out of the cartoons from the inside cover of Richie
        Rich Comics!  Predictably, the good King waves his wand and
        Godzilla eats a plethora of creme-filled spongecake instead of
        him:  Twinkie The Kid appears as guest wrangler -- and in the
        end, also as a tasty snack. (BH)]

Godzilla vs. Sky King...HA!

Godzilla vs. SkiMaster!  (HA!)

Godzilla vs. Thigh Master (HA * PI)
        That would explain Godzilla's tail & *SHAPELY* thighs!

Godzilla vs. The KINGston Trio

Godzilla vs. King Diamond
        The MONSTERS of ROCK Tour!

Godzilla vs. King Henry VIII
        Girth galore!

Godzilla vs. Don King
        Hair-raising excitement!

Godzilla vs. Nat King Cole
        It's unforgettable!

Godzilla vs. Wang Chung
        Every monster have fun tonight.

Godzilla vs. Tonya Harding
        Tell ya one thing, that Godzilla sure has spunk.

Godzilla vs. Ghost in the Machine
        (Stings, doesn't it?)

Godzilla vs. Robert Palmer
        He didn't mean to turn him on...

Godzilla vs. Robert Redford
        Godzilla is offered 1 millions bucks to sleep with
        him...Eeeeew...

Godzilla vs. Eric Roberts
        in Naked Came the Nude

Godzilla vs. Carrie Fisher
        (Who is that horrible creature?!)

Godzilla vs. Maxwell Edison
        (majoring in medicine)

Godzilla vs. Thomas Edison
        (nuclear vs. electric)

Godzilla vs. Grace Slick
        (Godzilla: What do you mean I had sex with you?)

Godzilla vs. Grace Jones
        (Godzilla: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!)

Godzilla vs. George Jones
        (George doesn't show up...again!)

Godzilla vs. Rocky Jones
        (When two bad movies collide!)
        And the big green guy from Tokyo gets hit...right in the WINKY!

Godzilla vs. Mighty Dog
        (Now I know why dogs lick their testicles...to kill the taste
        of the dogfood.)

Godzilla vs. Mighty Jack
        (It's a secret project which has already into Japanese hands!
        Same studio, even?)

Godzilla vs. Jack Nicholson
        (Wait'll he gets a load of me...)

Godzilla vs. Robbie Coltraine
        (as police psychiatrist Cracker...on A&E)

Godzilla vs. Robbie the Robot

Godzilla vs. Crow T Robot's Father
        (he would dispense home spun wisdom and teach me solid
        mid-western values while CRUSHING EVERYONE IN HIS PATH...)

Godzilla vs. Tom Jones..
        (But we need a sock in our drawers..)

Godzilla vs. Tommy Lee Jones
        (The Fugitive's name is Godzilla...)
        We will check every temple, pagoda, opium den, rice paddy,
        sushi place in the county until we find that big green fugitive!

Godzilla vs. Kent State
        (G is lead-pumped by trigger-happy National Guardsmen)

Godzilla vs. Barnabus Collins
        (Dark Shadows and BIG shadows...)

Godzilla vs. Phil Collins..
        Godzilla can't dance!

Godzilla vs. Phil Donahue
        IMMMM BAAAAACK!

Godzilla vs. Father Murphy
        (He would do pretty much the same thing, but with a Little
        House on the Prairie kind of feel to it...)

Godzilla vs. Officer Murphy
        (Robocop gets crushed like a tin can)

Godzilla vs. Officer Mike & Officer Kevin [Murphy]
        (The cops who busted the Mads in Deep 13!)

Godzilla vs. Scritti Politti
        (They've got the perfect way to die like rats!)

Godzilla vs. Ammonia Avenue
        (..stay on your island don't let me in..)

Godzilla vs. Mr. Clean with ammonia

Godzilla vs. No more, Mr. Nice Guy...No more Mr. Cle..hee..hee..ean!
        (The Reverend Smith recognized him and punched Godzilla in the
        nose)

Godzilla vs. Ben Johnson
        (Ben goes steroid-crazy and kicks Godzilla's butt)

Godzilla vs. Uncle Ben
        (when only the best will do, say Uncle)
        Nice touch! Those Japanese monsters are SURE to like rice! (WM)

Godzilla vs. Lou Grant
        (Godzilla, YOU'RE FIRED!)

Godzilla vs. Lou Reed
        (Hey, Godzilla, take a walk on the wild side...)

Godzilla vs. The Electric Company.
        Where's the sap in the spider-man suit?

Godzilla vs. Regis and Kathy Lee
        (Cody leads the first strike)

Godzilla vs. Bad Company
        Is this a part of our Rock n' roll fantasy?

Godzilla Vs. Electric Prunes
        (where the big guy had too much to dream last night...)

Godzilla vs. The Electric Bill
        (Knocking out Tokyo's lights is gonna cost him plenty...)

Godzilla vs. David Crosby
        The big boys go at it...

Godzilla vs. David Lee Roth
        (G doesn't love him, either)

Godzilla vs. Bill Murray
        Hey! That's not the gopher!

Godzilla vs. Murray, Kentucky
        (G: Ha!  It's too easy.)

Godzilla vs. Paduka (sp?), Kentucky
        Paduka...that's what Godzilla sounds like when he hits the ground..
        [Actually, it's Paducah, and it's the sound that half the
        people around here make when they slide into a La-Z-Boy. (AR)]

Godzilla vs. Alan Funt
        (...when you least expect it...)

Godzilla vs. Allan Havey
        (Godzila gets to stay at the Moooobley!)

Godzilla vs. Plymouth Neon
        (Say goodbye to Neon...)

Godzilla vs. Raid
        (Godzilla kills cities dead!)

Godzilla vs. the Internet
        (The _original_ flamer!)

Godzilla vs. the Clothestime Lady
        (Sometimes I crush cities...ARE YOU SURPRISED?)

Godzilla vs. Apple Macintosh
        (He costs less.  He destroys more.)

Godzilla vs. Electric Avenue
        Monkey Wards worst nightmare!

Godzilla vs. 5th Avenue
        (it...will...make...you...DIE!)

Godzilla v. a 5th of Tequila
        (Beer afore whiskey is mighty risky Godzilla.)

Godzilla vs. One burbon, one scotch....

Godzilla vs. Bourbon Street
        (weird even to a mutated Japanese lizard!)

Godzilla Vs. Ed Wood
        (Godzilla gets trapped by a huge angora sweater,
        which he accessorizes very well)

Godzilla vs. Woody Harelson
        (Big stupid rubber monsters can't jump)!

Godzilla vs. The Dramatics!
        (my my my my my my my my my! It's a Godzilla World!)

Godzilla vs The Romantics
        (I hear the secrets that you keep...
        when Godzilla's talking in his sleep)

Godzilla vs. Rush
        (The Canadian Power Trio Rolls 'Zilla's Bones!!!)

Godzilla vs. The Ramones
        (Godzilla wants to have some kicks...
        he just wants to get some chicks...)

Godzilla vs. My Michelle
        Well well well..G just can't tell!

Godzilla vs. My Sharona
        (Godzilla gets the knack!)

Godzilla vs. The Roman Empire
        (When in Rome...)

Godzilla vs. V
        (The Big G steps out in a loin cloth...)

Godzilla vs. The Hormones
        (AAAAAH!  "Run, Godzirrah have PMS...")

Godzilla vs. George of the Jungle
        (Look out for that knee! <thunk>)

Godzilla vs. George III
        (He wasn't supposed to go mad until 1800!)

Godzilla vs. Third Base
        ("Who's on first?...")

Godzilla vs. Us3
        (they hit him with a cantaloop...digadigabop...)

Godzilla vs. U2
        (Bono pushes the Big G over the Edge!)

Godzilla vs. My Two Dads
        ( Godzilla doesen't get it and he's not amused )

Godzilla vs. us
        (Fidonet MSTies unite!)

Godzilla vs. All Things Scottish
        IF IT'S NOT SCOTTISH, IT'S CRRRRAP!

Godzilla vs. All Creatures Great and Small

Godzirra vs. Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!

Godzilla vs. The Wizard of Oz
        (Pay no attention to the Giant Lizard)

Godzilla vs. Ozzy Osbourne
        (guess whose head gets bitten off this time!)

------
The Sandy Franks this time around were:

Johnny Amburn, Scott Davis, Melissa Garber, Brian Hammack, Holly McKinney,
Will Morgan, Robert Payes, Shane Powell, Scott Reynolds, Andy Rose,
Eric Szulczewski, Tony Trujillo, Eric Wilson
---
  TLX v3.4  Godzilla vs. Visa. (He's everywhere he wants to be!)

 * Origin: THE BOSS  Tenafly, NJ  201-568-7293  (1:2604/301)
