
Logging Onto The National Information Superhighway: A Prediction
by Vincent B. Navarino

CONNECT 9600

Welcome to the National Information Superhighway.  Enter a command.

> HELP

Welcome to the National Information Superhighway.  We'd love to tell
you what the National Information Superhighway is, but since it was
created by the government we don't have a clue.  Try something.

> DIR

 Sorry, that command is not available.  Try something else.

> NEW

 Please enter name:

> VINCENT NAVARINO

 Enter Password:

> HILLARY IS A FOX

That's the President you're talking about fella!  Take that back!

> ISN'T BILL THE PRES?

That's what she lets him think.  What do you think of the Vice Pres?

> GORE IS A BANANA-HEAD

We think so too.  Enter Address.

> 3 TOLEDO LANE, TOPEKA KANSAS

That is *NOT* your address!  The FBI will be sent to your real
address if you hesitate more than 3 seconds before answering
truthfully.  Don't screw with us - we're the government

> SORRY.  TANAGER RD., MONROE NY

Enter Password:

> VINCENT NAVARINO

Good job, a truly unique password.  Now let's see what *WE* 
have on you. 

**Accessing CIA and FBI databases . . .

Subject: Vincent B. Navarino

 - Age: 28
 - Weight: 180lbs
 - Current location: sitting 2.5m from the left corner of his bedroom
   in his basement apartment
 - Currently wearing a dirty Paradise tee shirt, faded Rustler Jeans 
   (34wx32l), two day old Fruit of the Loom briefs (medium),
   mismatched tube socks currently 5.76cm lower than the knees
 - Hygiene: has not showered in three days
 - Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
 - Registered Republican (with slight Democratic tendencies)

*** New User Questionnaire***

Answer truthfully or else the sniper who has you lined up in his
sights will open fire.

Where did you get this number to access the National Information
Superhighway?

> BATHROOM WALL AT JOHNNIE'S BAR AND GRILL.

Why do you want to access the National Information Superhighway?

> TO GET SOME KOOL WAREZ

What do you think of our president?

> HILLARY IS DOING A FINE JOB

Thanks, we think so too.  She's a dear.  What do you think of her
husband, the First Man?

> NEEDS A PERSONALITY

Well, you can't have everything.  Thank you for taking the time out
to fill out the New User Questionnaire.  The sniper has been
recalled.  And now for our opening menu . . .

*****************************************************
* WELCOME TO THE NATIONAL INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY  *
*****************************************************
*       A JOINT VENTURE BROUGHT TO YOU BY:          *
*****************************************************
*       IBM, SEARS AND MICROSOFT*&^%$&*^%$#@!@!
        %$#@+NO CARRIER                                         {RAH}
--------------
Vincent B. Navarino is a mainframe programmer.  He lives in the quiet
town of Monroe, NY where he runs his BBS - the Particle Board III
(Fidonet 1:272/60).  After being abducted by space aliens and
returned to Earth, he now stares at the moon and submits his rantings
to RAH magazine (and they accept them!)

