
What's Going On?
By Robert Hankins

There will be a screening of the Alain Resnais film, 
"Nazis: Just Plain Bad" at the Orpheus, Thursday.
3105 Dump Truck Street.  Francois Truffaut called it "okay".

9 year old artist Billy Turner will present an exhibit
of his Crayon works, all week at the Shlock Museum, 
6104 Arsenio Hall Boulevard.  Says Billy, "Many people don't
realize there's a difference between Crayon and Crayola.
But there is."

A screening of a little known Disney cartoon, 
"Steamboat Jehovah's Witness", at the Paramount, Wednesday, 
5204 Dufus Lane.  The late Francois Truffaut said, "I didn't 
see it.  I tried to, but TBS ran late with one of those 
basketball games."

The famous dope-sniffing dog known simply as "Satan"
will be signing autographs at the Krieger Hotel on Lemonhead
Avenue, Tuesday.  Curious drug-users are requested to stay 
at least 300 yards from the pooch.

There will be a wacky car accident at the intersection
of Nostradamus and Fifth, Thursday, around brunch.
Ironically, neither driver will have insurance.

>> Television This Week <<

"60 Minutes" --- Mike Wallace harasses some 
McDonald's employees just to get a free milk-shake.

"Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" -- two new characters are introduced:
Sgt. Stacey Koon and Officer Laurence Powell are hired to 
"keep an eye" on Will and his wacky L.A. buddies. 

News for the Dead --- with Ian Wolfe. 
A story about dead musician Charlie Parker: songs include
"Ornithology", "Astronomy", "Social Sciences", "Gestaltism", 
and "Department of Health and Human Services".

Movie: "Honey, I Impregnated the Kids!" (1991)
Disney film not suitable for children.  
Cast wishes to remain anonymous.

Movie: "Sappho -- 1970" (1984)
Wacky Joe Orton play about blundering jewel thieves who stumble
into Judy Garland film festival in West Hollywood.

"Sesame Street"
Leon Trotsky makes a dash to Mexico after stealing 
Cookie Monster's Mitch Miller records.  
The number for today is 666.  
 
"Love That Nessie!" 
When the cable company tells him that his loch-bound cave
is "too deep" to be serviced, the lovable monster
takes hostages at a nuclear plant.

Star Trek: "A Taste of Matzah" --- Kirk, Spock and McCoy are
transported back in time to Bob Dylan's briss ceremony.
Scotty introduces a young Gorn to the pleasures of bourbon.

Movie: "Clambake Beach" (William Asher, 1965)
Beach comedy with Frankie, Annette and Clyde the Gorilla.
Trouble starts when Frankie spies Annette at the local hang-out
having dinner with Albert Camus.  with Paul Lynde, Don Rickles.

Movie: "Ghidrah, the Three-Headed Plumber" (Japan, '66)
Down and out plumber runs amok in the men's room 
at Macy's Department Store.  Ghidrah: Dean Jagger; 
Willie: Leo McKern

"It's a Vet's Life"
Veterinarian John Baxter explains how the Van Allen Belts can be
used to pick up women.

Omnibus:  "Craaazy Joe!"
Part 6 of 4.  Communist hunting U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy 
accuses himself of being "a ruskie". 

"Aye, Jimmie!" --- starring James McReadingsberry.
Scottish comedy about a group of butlers who live in a mansion but
serve no one.  Food/supplies arrive on doorstep every day but the
benefactor remains unknown.  

Movie: "Le Stupide" ---(Jean-Luc Goddard, 1959)
A man learns how to leave his body to avoid salesmen.
Jacques Tati; Ayymmieeee.

Movie: "The Silence of the Lamb of God" (Ingmar Bergman, 1990)
An FBI agent enlists a fallen-from-grace television evangelist
to track down a mutated cannibalistic homosexual priest.   
Jodie Foster; Michael Caine.

Movie: "Never Cry Help" (1990)
Bruce Willis as grizzled L.A. cop on vacation in Sri Lanka;
comes across international terrorists planning to turn
Bermuda Triangle into a giant shopping mall for the insane.
Mitch Ryder, Rutger Hauer, Paul Ruebens.

>> Selected Horoscope <<

Pisces: (Feb 20 to March 20)

Cash-in all your IRA's and go to one of the many
Merv Griffin Riverboat Casinos around the country.
Do it!  Do it now!  Merv beckons you!!!!                        {RAH}
--------------
Robert Hankins lives in Lake Charles, LA.  He doesn't like technical
humor, so he's blackmailing RAH's editor to publish more of the other
kinds, especially stuff written by Robert himself.

